how to respond personal ad for dating site
Read the ad. Read it twice. Really think about what it says. In all seriousness, I am amazed by the number of guys who respond to one of my ads in a way that leaves me wondering if they even read what I wrote. I've had guys tell me all about how they want me to do things to them that should be pretty clear from my ad I'm not into (mainly because they're describing things that I want done to me). Or I've had guys contact me and immediately start talking to me about getting our freak on when I've spent the whole ad talking about romance and getting to know someone without once mentioning sex.
Interact with the ad as part of the response. This point is, at least in my mind, a natural consequence of the previous point. If an ad talks about hobbies, movies, or any other topic, find a way to talk about one of the topics mentioned. For example, "I saw that you love horror movies. Are you more into classic one's like 'Nightmare on Elm Street,' or do you like the recent gore-fests like 'Hostel'?" Another good one would be, "You're a hiker. Have you ever hiked Portage Trail? My one college buddy and I used to do it about once a month once the weather got about fifty." This demonstrates that you not only took the time to read the ad, but that you found something about it worth talking about. Plus it shows you're interested in the person who wrote the ad and their interests.
Show interest in the person, not the body. Don't get me wrong. Everyone likes to be told they're attractive, and there's nothing wrong with telling someone that you like their picture or that you think they're cute (or even sexy). But here's my perspective: If you tell me that once, it's a compliment. If you tell me so a second time (in the same message), I'm going to assume you're flattering me to get something out of me. If you tell me it a third time, then I'm going to assume that you're like a cartoon character and you're currently envisioning me as a juicy piece of meet rather than a person. Oh, and if all you can say about me is that I'm attractive, I'm going to make that last assumption even if you only say it once.
Don't forget to talk about yourself. Here's the thing: If you're responding to a personal ad, that ad is written by the other person. That means they've (hopefully) put some effort into talking about themselves and putting themselves out there. In your response, you need to return the favor. One of the most offensive (in my opinion at least) responses I received to the ad I shared in this post was a single sentence: "I want to know more about you." I put a lot of time and effort into writing that ad and I felt it was very revealing. And the other dude couldn't even be bothered to tell me as something as simple as his name. That's some real bullshit.
And don't make the mistake of conflating "talking about yourself" with "telling them what you hope to get out of them (or anyone else)."[1] This is your chance to share your interests, the things that make you interesting (and if you're not sure what makes you interesting, then you need to do some soul searching before you respond to too many personal ads), and what you have to offer the other person. So talk yourself up without being a total conceited jerk (and there's a lot you can say that falls into the former category without running into the latter one). Be charming and captivating. Try to build common ground which will lead to common interest.
Those are my main recommendations based on some of the replies I've received over the past couple years. I'd be interested to hear what advice or tips my readers might add.
[1]On the flip side to this, I actually recommend avoiding personal ads that are nothing more than a shopping list of what the other person is looking for. Dating is about both person's needs and what they both bring to the table. In my experience, I person who writes a personal ad that doesn't offer any insight to that second part does not understand this and will end up being way too needy.
