I'm an old-fashioned kind of gay guy. I think the top should make the first move.It's something I feel pretty strongly about. I'm the bottom (and more than a little submissive anyway). I think the top should be more proactive in expressing interest in a guy like me if things are going to go anywhere. That's not to say I won't show interest or initiate a bit of sensual fun at times, mind you. I'm quite good at doing that and enjoying it.
But when it comes to actually getting the ball rolling -- especially in the early stages of the relationship and the pre-relationship phase -- I think the top should pursue, suggest I come over (or we get together or whatever). I think he should either start the sensual touching at that point, or at the very least pick up my hand and put it where he wants it as a way of suggesting that it's time to do more than cuddle.
To be honest, part of this is simply because right now, I'm tired of making all the moves with the guys I've known. It's left me wondering if any of them really want(ed) me that way, if they were really interested in me. It's doubts and questions in my mind that could be alleviated simply by the other guy taking hte initiative and starting something. In other words, it'd be nice if the other guy would make some effort and even take a little risk.
Because I get the impression that at least one of the guys is shy and nervous about making the first move. I think he's even a little worried about things not working out or me rejecting him (though how he could think that at this point is beyond me). And I totally get that. I worry about those same things too. All the time.
But at some point, a guy needs to get past that and take the chance anyway. I know I have. I've taken my risks. So know it's the other guy's turn. So any shy tops who are reading this, please take note. If you don't take at least a little chance, the guy next to you may just decide you're not interested. Or he may just decide it's not worth it if he has to put so much effort into drawing you out. Either way, you could end up missing out on something great. So consider gritting your teeth and getting your move on despite your fears and shyness.
I agree with what you're saying here, in any relationship RISKS need to be taken, fears need to be put aside and we have to move beyond our fears. But shyness is a hard thing to get past.
ReplyDeleteAre top guys often shy? Just the phrase top guy makes me think that they wouldn't be.
Hi Barbara, and thanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteAmong gay men, "top" and "bottom" generally refer to whether a guy prefers to to penetrate or be penetrated. (The term "versatile" refers to those guys who like both roles. And then there are gay guys who aren't into anal intercourse at all. We're a diverse and complex group.) Truth be told, a guy's personality, introversion/extroversion, and level of directness/indirectness is quite independent of their preferred sexual role, so you get all kinds of guys who are tops. I just seem to keep running into the ones who are shy for some reason.
Of course, this is further complicated by the fact that the BDSM community sometimes uses the same words to refer to submissiveness vs. dominance. And of course, there's no small overlap between the two groups, so that can be confusing too.
Again, thanks for dropping by!
Holy crap that is complicated! And I thought I had a hard time figuring out hetero men! You have a lot more pieces to the puzzle. I guess I assumed all gay guys liked it both ways. I'm getting an education here :)
DeleteI guess I assumed all gay guys liked it both ways.
DeleteYou know, that statement is somewhat refreshing. Too often, gay men in a relationship are often asked, "So, who's the woman and who's the man?" The implication is that it's assumed that the sexual roles are always set in stone. So your assumption is a bit forward-thinking from even the typical assumption.
Glad you learned something from me. Learning is a good thing.