Get Personal With Me: Romance

In honor of the fact that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, let's talk romance.  What is your idea of a (or "the perfect") romantic date?

As always, please remember the comment policy and don't criticize other people's thoughts on the topic.

Colorful offers dating advice. Reader beware.

The other day, I got looking through my blog's stats.  I found that one person ended up finding me through the following search query:

how to respond personal ad for dating site

Now as a flamboyantly gay man with some experience doing the personal ads thing and a love for offering advice in a strongly opinionated way, I just had to write a post about this.  After all, I know how I want to have guys respond to my personal ads.  And while I won't presume that everyone else in the world is a lot like my, I think my views make a lot of sense and aren't on the fringes of extremism, either.  So here are a few points I'd like to offer:

Read the ad.  Read it twice.  Really think about what it says.  In all seriousness, I am amazed by the number of guys who respond to one of my ads in a way that leaves me wondering if they even read what I wrote.  I've had guys tell me all about how they want me to do things to them that should be pretty clear from my ad I'm not into (mainly because they're describing things that I want done to me).  Or I've had guys contact me and immediately start talking to me about getting our freak on when I've spent the whole ad talking about romance and getting to know someone without once mentioning sex.

Interact with the ad as part of the response.  This point is, at least in my mind, a natural consequence of the previous point.  If an ad talks about hobbies, movies, or any other topic, find a way to talk about one of the topics mentioned.  For example, "I saw that you love horror movies.  Are you more into classic one's like 'Nightmare on Elm Street,' or do you like the recent gore-fests like 'Hostel'?"  Another good one would be, "You're a hiker.  Have you ever hiked Portage Trail?  My one college buddy and I used to do it about once a month once the weather got about fifty."  This demonstrates that you not only took the time to read the ad, but that you found something about it worth talking about.  Plus it shows you're interested in the person who wrote the ad and their interests.

Show interest in the person, not the body.  Don't get me wrong.  Everyone likes to be told they're attractive, and there's nothing wrong with telling someone that you like their picture or that you think they're cute (or even sexy).  But here's my perspective:  If you tell me that once, it's a compliment.  If you tell me so a second time (in the same message), I'm going to assume you're flattering me to get something out of me.  If you tell me it a third time, then I'm going to assume that you're like a cartoon character and you're currently envisioning me as a juicy piece of meet rather than a person.  Oh, and if all you can say about me is that I'm attractive, I'm going to make that last assumption even if you only say it once.

Don't forget to talk about yourself.  Here's the thing:  If you're responding to a personal ad, that ad is written by the other person.  That means they've (hopefully) put some effort into talking about themselves and putting themselves out there.  In your response, you need to return the favor.  One of the most offensive (in my opinion at least) responses I received to the ad I shared in this post was a single sentence:  "I want to know more about you."  I put a lot of time and effort into writing that ad and I felt it was very revealing.  And the other dude couldn't even be bothered to tell me as something as simple as his name.  That's some real bullshit.

And don't make the mistake of conflating "talking about yourself" with "telling them what you hope to get out of them (or anyone else)."^[1]  This is your chance to share your interests, the things that make you interesting (and if you're not sure what makes you interesting, then you need to do some soul searching before you respond to too many personal ads), and what you have to offer the other person.  So talk yourself up without being a total conceited jerk (and there's a lot you can say that falls into the former category without running into the latter one).  Be charming and captivating.  Try to build common ground which will lead to common interest.

Those are my main recommendations based on some of the replies I've received over the past couple years.  I'd be interested to hear what advice or tips my readers might add.

---

^[1]On the flip side to this, I actually recommend avoiding personal ads that are nothing more than a shopping list of what the other person is looking for.  Dating is about both person's needs and what they both bring to the table.  In my experience, I person who writes a personal ad that doesn't offer any insight to that second part does not understand this and will end up being way too needy.

My problem with dating sites and personal ad response frustrations

A while back, I realized that I really don't like online dating sites.  It's not that I am opposed to them in theory.  I'm all for meeting new people however one can meet new people.  No, my problem is more personal and practical.

I don't feel that dating profiles really do me justice.  I'm the kind of guy that grows on people through actual interactions.  When we spend time together and I cause him to laugh every five minutes over some bit of silliness or a touch of whit borne of a non-typical perspective, I go from being just some guy in his mind to being incredibly alluring, charming, and downright attractive.

Those are the kinds of things that I find almost impossible to capture in a simple online dating profile.  Unless I ramble on, which is something most online dating sites won't let you do.  They have character limits, and they are way too low in my experience.

One thing I tried doing on Craigslist -- which doesn't have character limits -- was to create an ad in which I included some snippets of my writings -- something I also think tends to set me apart and (hopefully) makes me more attractive -- that oriented toward romance and intimacy.  Here's what I ended up posting:

Sensual and Romantic, Looking to Connect

I decided it was now or never. I stepped closer to him and kissed him on the lips. It was a soft, gentle kiss. He tensed for just a second and then relaxed. He put his arms around my shoulders and began to kiss me back. I caressed his chest as my lips became more demanding. He really got into it, and I began to let my hand wander lower on his body.

---

I parked my car in one of the visitor spots and turned off the engine. As I approached Jacob's townhouse, he stepped out the front door and closed it behind himself. We met each other on the sidewalk and we exchanged a brief kiss. I stepped back a foot or two, running my hand along his arm before dropping it to my side. "How was your day?"

"Good. I took the afternoon off, so it was quite nice. It gave me time to get ready for our date tonight."

I gave him a quizzical look. "That's a lot of time for a shower and shave."

"Yes, it is," he said, grinning impishly. He took my hand and started leading me back toward his home.

I grew more confused. "Aren't we going to dinner?"

"I have a surprise I want to show you first." He stopped as we reached the bottom stair of his front stoop. He guided me to stand in front of him then placed his hands over my eyes, blocking my vision.

"Jacob? What are you doing?"

"You'll see. There are three steps up, remember? Let's go."

I sighed. In the three weeks that we had been dating, I had learned it was easier to humor him when he was feeling impish. I began to step forward, and he kept close behind me, making sure my eyes remained covered. I carefully dragged my foot along the front of each step, then stepped up onto it. As I reached the top, I heard classical music -- I suspected it was Mozart -- playing faintly. As we entered the house, I got a sense of less light slipping through the spaces between his fingers.

"Just a few more steps forward," he said. I obliged and heard him use his foot to swing the door shut behind us. He dropped his hands and I looked around, blinking.

The only light in the whole house came from about a dozen flames, most of them coming from tea-lights carefully placed on various surfaces throughout his living room. He pointed and I turned my eyes in the direction of his gaze. A small circular coffee table sat just in front of his couch, with two cushions on opposite sides. A square tablecloth covered most of the table's surface. In the center stood a single red column candle. A plate, wine glass and silverware had been set in front of each cushion.

"This is amazing," I said.

"Hopefully, you feel the same way about my chicken cordon blue," he said, as he stepped next to me and took my hand. "I wanted to do something special for you today."

---

He sat on the couch and spread his legs. I sat between them and he placed his hands on my shoulders and began to squeeze them. I allowed my head to drop forward and he began to knead the muscles along my neck and collarbone. I breathed deeply as the knots and pockets of tension began to disappoint under his calloused and skillful hands.

I moaned as he worked his way from my neck and shoulders down along my spine, pressing against each vertebra and the tissue surrounding it. As he continued to work on my back, he leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. I turned my head so I could meet his lips with my own and we exchanged a tender kiss.

---

I opened the bathroom door after my shower and immediately smelled garlic. I breathed the aroma in deeply as I made my way to the kitchen. Kevin was standing in front of the stove in his adorable pink plaid apron. He was holding a small dish of chopped onions and was about to dump its contents into the sauce pan in front him. I came up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist. He turned his head just enough to smile at me before upturning the container. The smell of the onions joined that of the garlic as they too began to sauté. I glanced at the counter to take stock of his prepared ingredients. I surmised he was making our favorite marinara sauce. I nuzzled his neck with my nose and continued to watch him work.

---

We handed our tickets to the employee collecting them, who then directed us to the theater our movie would be shown in. We found a pair of seats about three quarters of the way back in the stadium seating. Bill motioned me to a seat one in from the end, and he took the seat nearest the aisle. He placed his arm around my neck. And I repositioned myself so that I hoped the gesture would be more comfortable.

We made more small talk until the previews started, which took about ten minutes. Then we settled in to watch the screen. Bill would occasionally rub his hand along my shoulder and collarbone, sending little shivers through my body. I was still conflicted about just how far I wanted things to go with him, especially tonight.

Fortunately, he didn't get any more affectionate or risque during the ninety minute movie, and we both seemed to really get into the action playing out on the screen before us. I only got jarred back to my present circumstances during those moments where he'd move his hand an inch or two back and forth. In many ways, it felt kind of good.....

---

I firmly believe you can learn a lot about a writer based on what he writes. If you took the time to read the various bits and pieces of my writing that I included in this ad, you should have a pretty good idea of the kind of guy I am and the kinds of things that are important to me. I'll tell you a bit more, though.

I'm a heavier guy who works in a rather geeky line of work. I love to read. My two favorite genres are fantasy (which I also write) and science fiction. I'm interested in politics, especially surrounding social justice for LGBT people and women. I hope to eventually become more of an advocate for racial equality and issues that disproportionately affect racial minorities, but I have a lot more to learn in that area.

I'm a romantic at heart. I don't need promises of eternal love from a guy, but I have to have a sense that I'm special to a guy beyond simply being a means for him to get his rocks off. I'm not looking to be anyone's "dirty little secret" or "mistress on the side," so guys who are totally in the closet (if you're not out at work for job security or something like that, that's fine, I just want to be able to be seen in public) and men who are married or otherwise partnered should move on.

If you're still with me and intrigued, drop me a line. If nothing else, you can always ask for the link to my online writing portfolio. I'm always welcoming of new readers. ;-)

Personally, I think that's one of the best ads I've ever written.  I feel it says a lot about me and shows a side of myself that no 500-1000 character description ever will.  In reality, I'll also note it's gotten a few great responses.  A lot of guys are truly knocked off their feet by it.  Unfortunately, none of them have panned out beyond a single meeting.

Of course, it doesn't help that 99% of the guys who surf Craigslist -- even the part I posted to, which clearly says "no hookups" -- are looking for fast sex.  I had one guy who just wanted me to talk dirty/read my erotic writings to him.  (What was really annoying about him is he made no effort to tell me a thing about himself so I could decide if I was interested, even after I revealed so much about myself.)

Of course, then there was the guy who responded and wrote back what he wanted us to do together.  That was cool, except that everything he described put him in a more submissive/passive role and me in a more dominant/active one.  I'd think that even by the writing snippets I included above, it'd be obvious which role I'd want.  So there's also just that sense that even after telling so much about myself, guys still seem to only think about what they're looking to get out of me without much thought to whether their mental arrangement will actually work for me.

It's just frustrating.

Drama and Dating

I ran across this video this morning and loved it:

Think of how much less drama there would be in the world if all the gay men would take this advice and get over it when their friends and exes dated.  I've seen that drama first hand and could only shake my head.  The guy spent several minutes going on about how two of his exes were dating and even had the nerve to come into the chain restaurant that he worked at on a date.  He  spent that time trying to figure out why they'd do that, as if they might visit a chain restaurant simply because they liked the food they serve.

I think that's what gets me.  Drama over exes dating or friends dating your exes is all about making the whole thing about you and your past relationship(s).  My advice to everyone is simply, move on with your lives.  Your exes (or friends and exes) dating is simply not about you.  In fact, it's probably a good sign that your ex(es) are trying to move on with their lives.

Lather, rinse, repeat: Good for washing hair, but not your love life

In many ways, I'm still processing through the events and feelings about my mid-week date.  In many ways, I've started to become more convinced that I really dodged a bullet with this one.  One of the things I didn't mention in my previous post was that he shared with me a bit about his history, including how he came here.  Originally, he lived six hours away, but moved here for a guy.  He told me that he and his ex met online back in February, really hit it off, and decided to move in together, which for my date meant a relocation halfway across the state.  They moved in together back in April.

He's adorable, but is he really worth
packing and unpacking all those boxes?

So he's the kind of guy who met someone and within two months had decided it was True Love™and went through a major move.  That strikes me as...fast.  Granted, I probably wouldn't have always considered it fast.  As I noted in a previous post, there was a time in my life when I would've done anything for anything I thought was True Love™.  In fact, there was a time when I was seriously considering moving to another continent to be with the guy I was convinced I was meant to be with.  (Fortunately, he ended our online entanglement before that could happen.)  I'd like to think I might have still waited for more than two months before going through with it, mind you.  Still, I appreciate the mentality and understand how someone could actually go through with it.

What I don't totally get is that it looks like my date may be planning on going through it all over again.  On our way back to my car from Manly Bar and after he'd decided I wasn't The One™, he started rambling. One of the things he got telling me about is this guy he's been talking to who lives out in Arizona for some time.  He started telling me about how they seemed to have this incredible connection and just got each other on so many levels.  He said he's hoping to go for a visit in January, and that they've made plans to meet a few times but had to cancel in the past.  Listening to him talk (and thinking about it afterward), I realized that he's probably already making plans to move to Arizona for this guy, just like he moved here for his now-ex.

Well, at least he waited more than two months before plunging in.  After all, Arizona is significantly more than six hours away.

All joking and snark aside, this really does amaze me.  I understand impulsively uprooting yourself once for True Love™.  After all, we're all raised with pretty outrageous notions about romance and love.  All the movies tell us that these things have a magic way of working out, and such impulsive daring is rewarded.  So yeah, I see going through all that once.

What I don't get so much is going through that, getting burned, finding yourself in a strange place with few or no friends, and when presented with an opportunity to do it again, and thinking it's still a good idea the second time.

Maybe when I was younger and thought more like this guy, I would think it was a good idea too.  Who knows?  If that's the case, I can only say that I'm glad that I grew wiser over the past several years.

A pleasant but disappointing date

As anyone who was following my Twitter feed last night would know, I had a date of sorts that didn't go so well.  I originally met the guy through an online personal site.  I contacted him back on Sunday.  I have to say that I thought that my first email (and even the follow-up emails) was amazing, witty, and engaging.  Given that he responded earlier yesterday afternoon, continued the exhange, and proposed meeting in person later last night, I think it's safe to say that the other guy would agree with my assessment.  In many ways, I'm proud of myself for that, as I showed myself to be witty, passionate, and interesting, all characteristics that I was concerned other people might not feel I possessed as recently as a year ago.

That sums up how I feel.
Though I'm more up than down.

Granted, I was a bit concerned and even pleasantly surprised when he responded to my email.  After all, he was in his mid twenties, and I'm getting ready to exit my thirties in less than two years.  But I was pleased to see that I charmed him over and agreed to meet him at a coffee shop around 8:30.  We met there, then decided to go for a walk, as the coffee shop closed at 9 and was more crowded than either of us expected.  We made small talk as we walked and eventually decided to go to Manly Bar for a drink, which was several blocks (possibly a mile) away.  He had a bear and I had a couple vodka and cranberry cocktails.  We talked a bit more and decided to play pool.

Playing pool was interesting.  We both told each other that we weren't very good, which I suspect is the truth.  However, it was a bit embarrassing that I had one of those rare miraculous streaks where four of my consecutive shots actually went the way I intended them to, so I think he thought I had understated my pool playing ability.  (What a time to get lucky, eh?)  Even so, he still only had one ball left on the table when I sunk the eight ball for the win, so it went well.  (Though I'm a bit annoyed that he seemed to doubt my honesty when I said I just got lucky with those shots.)

Overall, I felt the night went really well.  I got out of the house.  I spent a couple hours with a guy who I thought I was both rather cute and pretty smart (if a bit on the insecure side).  Sure, there were a few awkward silences as neither of us were sure what to say (I felt like I was talking too much and had trouble spawning lengtheir responses from him).  But I was okay with that.  I've learned to accept awkward silences and let them naturally resolve themselves.  They bothered him, though.

And there was no "magic moment" where things were perfect and we fell instantly in love (or lust).  Honestly, I'm okay with that at my age.  I don't believe that such fairy tale moments are necessary -- or even conducive much of the time -- to meaningful or lasting relationships.  As such, I felt the night went well for a first time meeting and would be open to spending more time with him.  Even if we never clicked on a romantic level -- and I admit that there's a good possibility that would never happen -- I felt there was enough potential there for a good friendship.  Good friendships -- especially friendships with people I can go to a bar or do other things -- are something I could use more of, to be frank.

Alas, my date (though I'm not sure he'd consider it a date) doesn't seem to feel the same way.  He made a point both at manly bar and when we approached my car to end our night to tell me that he just didn't see any chemistry between us.  It seems he was looking for that magic "fairy tale" moment and is interested in nothing less.  As such, I don't get the impression he's interested in pursuing even a friendship.

While I'm disappointed about this, I accept it.  And while I told him -- when he asked for my opinion -- that I personally would like to spend a bit more time with him, I don't intend on pushing the issue.  If his mind is made up -- and it seems to be that way -- I will respect that.  To be honest, I like him and think he's a good guy, but I'm not going to push or beg for attention or even time spent together.

I did find it funny that he seemed to open up -- in that rambling "let me tell you my whole life story and all my inner thoughts and fears" sort of way (that included talking about some guy out west that he "just clicks with" and hopes to meet this winter) -- on our way home.  I don't know, perhaps that once he decided there was no way I could be "The One," he felt more comfortable and able to just say what was on his mind.  Well, he did that until he started realizing that he was rambling and worried that it would bother me.  (I actually enjoy listening to people ramble.  It's one of my quirks.)

In many ways, he reminded of me from a few years ago:  Insecure, too worried about what other people think, too desperate to find validation through others.  In reality, that probably means I'm just as well off letting him decide not to pursue anything with me.  It's still disappointing though.

But any way you look at it, I was charming and had a great time.  And in the end, I think that's the most important and most encouraging thing to me.

Plus, it's the first date ever in which I got to reminisce about The Facts Of Life.

Aw? You don't think I'm the hottest guy on earth?

Every now and then, I put out a personal ad.  I don't really expect to get any results from them, but I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Today, I put out one such ad, indicating that I was a romantic and sweet guy looking to connect with other guys and see what happens.

I had  guy who is twenty years older than me respond to the ad.  His response basically made it clear that sex was the primary and possibly the only thing on his mind.  Given the age difference and the fact that this particular ad gave no indication I was looking for sex (and I've submitted ads where my primary and sole interest was in finding sex before), I decided that I wasn't interested.  So I sent him a brief message that simply said, "No thanks."

Of course, the email account I use for personal ads includes the following fun little tag-line:

Some say humor is sexy.  If that's the case, then I may be hottest guy you know.

I think it's fun, and it highlights what I think is one of my greatest qualities.

Well, apparently, the guy decided that because I told him I'm not interested -- heaven forbid I have a say in who I pursue a relationship with -- he needed to let me know his opinion on the matter:

I doubt you are the hottest guy I know.  I know some very sexy ones.  Good bye.

LOL!  Good luck, guy.  Hopefully one of those other sexy guys that you know will be willing to give you what you were seeking from me.  Granted, my pettier side wonders...if you know so many sexy guys that are probably hotter than me, why were you seeking me out anyway?

Somehow, I think I'll find a way to survive knowing that this guy doesn't think I'm the hottest guy he knows.  It may be hard, though.

Meh

So the coffee date did not go quite as expected.  Granted, it wasn't a complete disaster, and the guy seems like a half decent fellow.  I'm hoping that means that we'll become friends and hang out at times.  Perhaps I'll meet some new people -- and new potential mates -- through him.  But as for being a potential mate or even a sex partner, it's a no go.  We both came to that same conclusion.  In fact, I was getting ready to send him an email saying as much an hour or so after I got home, only to find he'd already sent me an email saying much the same thing.

I'm not entirely surprised, and in the grand scheme of things, I had my doubts earlier this weekend.  There were just a few things he said and did over the weekend that came across as subtle (and not so subtle) violations of my personal boundaries.  For example, on Friday night, he originally suggested we  meet Saturday morning.  I explained to him that I had been feeling tired and on the verge of compromising my health and wanted to sleep in on Saturday.  He said he understood, but then he kept bringing it up the rest of Friday evening and even on Saturday.  He'd say little things, like, "I wish we I was meeting you tomorrow, but I understand that you can't."  I felt as if he was cajoling  me, trying to get me to change my mind.  Which left me wondering:  if he was willing to do that before we even met, what would he be like if we got involved?  Add to that a few things he said during the coffee date, and I just felt that his expectations for getting involved with him -- especially since he's not looking for a full-blown romantic relationship at this time -- were a bit unreasonable.

Granted, I am a bit disappointed that he sent me an email saying he didn't think we'd work out sexually.  It's probably a little bit petty of me, but I really wanted to be the one to turn him down.  I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I found things that caused me to find the arrangement discomforting.  Yeah, I suppose I could have still said as much to him (as it is, I just agreed that it's best we simply opt for friendship), but I think that would have come off as sour grapes rather than honest criticism.

Plus, I admit, I'm disappointed.  At first, this guy seemed like a real possibility, and as much as I'm glad I found out I was wrong about it this early in the game, the loss of a possibility is still frustrating.  Especially when I'm not sure when the next possibility will put in an appearance.

Happy to be canceled on

I was supposed to have a date tonight, but the guy contacted me and told me that he had to work instead.  In many ways, I'm rather relieved by this, as I was having my doubts about this date.  In some ways he seemed way too needy and clingy while we conversed online.  For example, when he originally asked me if I wanted to have dinner back on Saturday, I said I would be available Tuesday or Wednesday evening.  As the conversation progressed, he asked if there was any chance I'd be free on Sunday.  I told him that I already had plans.  Personally, I would have thought that would have been obvious from the fact that I didn't include Sunday in my list of days that would work for me.  So that right there struck me as a boundary violation of the "I want you to rearrange your life to suit my needs" variety.

When I hear this guy in my
head, it's time to rethink a date.

Then when he reconfirmed that I was still planning on going out with him, he said something about meeting at the Mexican restaurant I recommended and then going back to his place "for dessert."  Now, don't get me wrong, I've had sex with a guy on the first date before.  I've also done the casual sex thing as well.  I'm not opposed to moving things that fast.  But after the whole "can't you meet me on a day other than the ones you've already indicated you're free on" bit, that somehow didn't sit well with me.  It seemed to me like the fact that we would have sex was a foregone conclusion.  And bear in mind, we've only ever talked online.  Even when I do agree to meet someone specifically for the purpose of having sex, I like to have the sense that I can get there, re-examine how I feel about the situation, and even change my mind if it comes to that.  I felt like this guy wasn't going to give me that option and try some high-pressure tactics (which has happened to me in the past) to keep me committed to having sex with him.

So I told him honestly that I'd rather just plan on meeting for dinner and see how that goes before making any definite plans about "dessert."  He said okay, and that was the end of the conversation for the evening.  But the whole experience still bothered me.

When I woke up this morning, I had pretty much decided that unless it was a fantastic date -- and I came close to canceling even the date myself -- there pretty much wasn't going to be any sexual conduct.  I also decided I'd make sure we "went dutch" on dinner so there wouldn't be any sense of "owing" him if he paid for my food.

But then I got his message around noon, and it resolved the whole issue.  He didn't indicate whether he wants to reschedule.  If he does try to reschedule, I'll have to decide if I really want to, given my misgivings.  But in the meantime, I can enjoy a peaceful night of cartoons and reading.

Fuzzy revisited

It occurred to me the other day, that I never followed up on what happened between me and Fuzzy Pro, who I met back in mid-June.  That's mainly because I'm not exactly sure what happened myself.  All I know is what didn't happen.

I ended up going to the event his club was holding at Manly Bar that Saturday (June 16).  I found him when I got there.  He was busy working.  He smiled and said hi, then told me that he'd be going on break in about twenty minutes.  I nodded okay, ordered myself a (nonalcoholic, sadly) drink, and hung out at the bar, assuming he'd come over and let me know when he was actually on break.

See?  Still whole!

Thirty minutes later, I was still standing at the bar.  I glanced around, and realized he wasn't at his post, so I began wandering around the bar, looking to see if I could find him.  When I was reasonably certain I couldn't see him, I decided to step outside to see if he grabbed a quick smoke.  Sure enough he was outside, talking to friends.  I found it strange that he didn't come let me know he was on break, but I figured I'd just join him and his friends.  So I walked up, joined their group.  He looked at me and went on talking with his friends.  For his entire break, which lasted roughly an hour.

Mind you, he didn't completely ignore me, though I doubt he said more than fifty words directly to me the entire time.  He did introduce me to a couple of his friends.  It was all just very weird.  So when he finished his final cigarette and announced he had to go back to work, I told him that I was leaving.  I explained that I had had a rough day which had left me really tired and not feeling well (all of which was true) and that I needed to get back home so I could rest.  So he gave me a quick smooch (which I get the impression is the equivalent of a handshake in the circles he moves in) and went back in.  I went back home.

I assumed this meant that at some point between our first meeting that Thursday and the time I said goodbye on Saturday, he lost interest in me.  Since I haven't heard a word from him since then, I'm fairly confident my original interpretation was the correct one.

I can't say as I'm too upset about this.  Even that night, other than the disappointment of not having my hopes of at least a couple enjoyable dates (and maybe a romp in the bedroom or playroom) out of the experience, I was fairly okay with the fact that he lost interest.  I suppose in a lot of ways, my recent choices to be more particular about who I want to get romantically or even sexually involved with has also helped me learn not to take it so personally when a guy isn't interested or loses interest.  I can live with the fact that he simply decided I wasn't quite what he was looking for.  And I'm totally past my old tendency to try to find out what's wrong so I could "change" myself to suit a guy's tastes better.  Hey, I figure if a guy isn't into who I am and what I bring to the table, some other guy down the road will be.  And that guy will figure out pretty quick that he's one lucky bastard.

I will admit that I'm still a bit bothered that there was no explanation or no indication of, "Hey, you seem great, but I decided I'm looking for something different after all."  But even that is a minor annoyance and not something that's worth making  scene over.

And besides, he still totally checked me out, and that's still awesome.