A pleasant but disappointing date

As anyone who was following my Twitter feed last night would know, I had a date of sorts that didn't go so well.  I originally met the guy through an online personal site.  I contacted him back on Sunday.  I have to say that I thought that my first email (and even the follow-up emails) was amazing, witty, and engaging.  Given that he responded earlier yesterday afternoon, continued the exhange, and proposed meeting in person later last night, I think it's safe to say that the other guy would agree with my assessment.  In many ways, I'm proud of myself for that, as I showed myself to be witty, passionate, and interesting, all characteristics that I was concerned other people might not feel I possessed as recently as a year ago.

That sums up how I feel.
Though I'm more up than down.

Granted, I was a bit concerned and even pleasantly surprised when he responded to my email.  After all, he was in his mid twenties, and I'm getting ready to exit my thirties in less than two years.  But I was pleased to see that I charmed him over and agreed to meet him at a coffee shop around 8:30.  We met there, then decided to go for a walk, as the coffee shop closed at 9 and was more crowded than either of us expected.  We made small talk as we walked and eventually decided to go to Manly Bar for a drink, which was several blocks (possibly a mile) away.  He had a bear and I had a couple vodka and cranberry cocktails.  We talked a bit more and decided to play pool.

Playing pool was interesting.  We both told each other that we weren't very good, which I suspect is the truth.  However, it was a bit embarrassing that I had one of those rare miraculous streaks where four of my consecutive shots actually went the way I intended them to, so I think he thought I had understated my pool playing ability.  (What a time to get lucky, eh?)  Even so, he still only had one ball left on the table when I sunk the eight ball for the win, so it went well.  (Though I'm a bit annoyed that he seemed to doubt my honesty when I said I just got lucky with those shots.)

Overall, I felt the night went really well.  I got out of the house.  I spent a couple hours with a guy who I thought I was both rather cute and pretty smart (if a bit on the insecure side).  Sure, there were a few awkward silences as neither of us were sure what to say (I felt like I was talking too much and had trouble spawning lengtheir responses from him).  But I was okay with that.  I've learned to accept awkward silences and let them naturally resolve themselves.  They bothered him, though.

And there was no "magic moment" where things were perfect and we fell instantly in love (or lust).  Honestly, I'm okay with that at my age.  I don't believe that such fairy tale moments are necessary -- or even conducive much of the time -- to meaningful or lasting relationships.  As such, I felt the night went well for a first time meeting and would be open to spending more time with him.  Even if we never clicked on a romantic level -- and I admit that there's a good possibility that would never happen -- I felt there was enough potential there for a good friendship.  Good friendships -- especially friendships with people I can go to a bar or do other things -- are something I could use more of, to be frank.

Alas, my date (though I'm not sure he'd consider it a date) doesn't seem to feel the same way.  He made a point both at manly bar and when we approached my car to end our night to tell me that he just didn't see any chemistry between us.  It seems he was looking for that magic "fairy tale" moment and is interested in nothing less.  As such, I don't get the impression he's interested in pursuing even a friendship.

While I'm disappointed about this, I accept it.  And while I told him -- when he asked for my opinion -- that I personally would like to spend a bit more time with him, I don't intend on pushing the issue.  If his mind is made up -- and it seems to be that way -- I will respect that.  To be honest, I like him and think he's a good guy, but I'm not going to push or beg for attention or even time spent together.

I did find it funny that he seemed to open up -- in that rambling "let me tell you my whole life story and all my inner thoughts and fears" sort of way (that included talking about some guy out west that he "just clicks with" and hopes to meet this winter) -- on our way home.  I don't know, perhaps that once he decided there was no way I could be "The One," he felt more comfortable and able to just say what was on his mind.  Well, he did that until he started realizing that he was rambling and worried that it would bother me.  (I actually enjoy listening to people ramble.  It's one of my quirks.)

In many ways, he reminded of me from a few years ago:  Insecure, too worried about what other people think, too desperate to find validation through others.  In reality, that probably means I'm just as well off letting him decide not to pursue anything with me.  It's still disappointing though.

But any way you look at it, I was charming and had a great time.  And in the end, I think that's the most important and most encouraging thing to me.

Plus, it's the first date ever in which I got to reminisce about The Facts Of Life.