What dreams may cum

Content Notice:  Frank sexual talk ahead.

Last night, I had a dream about Pianoman.  This isn't entirely surprising, I suppose, as he and I have been talking online the past week or so.  I think he's hoping to get back together with me for some more fun. Unfortunately, I'm still not that interested in going there again.  At least most of me isn't interested in going there again.  I will admit that it's been long enough since I've been with another guy, the temptation to say yes just for the sheer pleasure of having another guy inside of me is pretty strong.

Apparently, my unconscious mind is on the "come on, it would feel good" side of the argument, though I'm pleased to note that even my dream self was hesitant and had its reservations.  But in my dream, Pianoman showed up at my home (actually, I think it was my parents' home, which was a bit strange) and we got talking.  He made the first move and started trying to talk me into sucking him off.  So my dream self decided that this sounded like fun -- and that despite my reservations, I really needed it.  So we ended up getting naked and I laid down on the couch in front of the picture window (the couch and window were the clues that this was my parents' home) and he straddled my chest and started feeding me his still-soft member.  (Note to my unconscious mind:  If you're going to put Pianoman in my dreams, please get the important details right.  Even soft, he's a lot bigger than you portrayed him.  I should've been gagging in that position.)

It's been a long time since I've been this bashful about what
I like.  (Image from the awesome movie, Latter Days.)

The dream quickly fell apart and I woke up shortly after that, which was both comforting and unsatisfying.  I'm not sure what my unconscious mind was playing at, other than trying to play out the conflicted feelings I'm experiencing over the guy in my waking life.  I guess there's a part of me that still wishes things could be different so Pianoman and I could get back together again.  I suppose it's also unconscious mind's way of sorting through what exactly would have to be different, as that seemed to be a lot of what the lead-in to the actual sexual part was about.  For example, one of the reasons my dream self allowed things to proceed was that dream Pianoman had taken the initiative and put in the effort to seek me out, as opposed to trying to find me when it was convenient.  Then there's the position we took in our play (one that I love, but one that I've never experienced with the real Pianoman).

As I think about it, I think I'm wrong about one thing.  I don't think my mind is so much looking for excuses to say yes to Pianoman or to seek out the reasons I'm saying no to change him.  I think my mind is trying to understand why I'm telling Pianoman no so that I can better understand what to look for in the next guy I consider telling yes.

That realization makes me feel far more comfortable about having a dream -- especially a sexual one -- about a guy I know I have no future with.