Bi guys are cool

After writing about my first lover last night and reading this post by JF today, I've been thinking a bit about the topic of bisexuality.  I'm one of those (seemingly rare) gay men that have no problems believing that some guys are honestly attracted to both men and women.  I don't think that all guys who claim to be bisexual are "unwilling to come out all the way," "sitting on the fence," or some other nonsense.  Sure, I'm 100% gay and the thought of becoming physically or sexually intimate with a woman leaves me feeling cold and a little weirded out, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that every guy -- or even every non-heterosexual guy -- is just like me.  People are diverse in a lot of ways, and in that way, bisexuality makes a lot of sense to me.

I also have no problems dating a bisexual guy, which is a good thing, considering that three out of the five guys I've officially dated (we won't talk about the one-nighters and the hot messes that never quite got to the state of actually dating) were bi.  I've found that by and large, bi guys are much like gay guys.  They're either into you or they're not.  Who else they are into really isn't an issue.  Yes, I prefer monogamy and I make that up front.  But let's be honest, bisexual guys don't have a monopoly on non-monogamy.  Plenty of gay guys like to have multiple partners and relationships.  And I wish those gay guys -- and like minded bisexual guys, for that matter -- the best in pursuing what makes them happy.  But we're looking for different things and I hope they can respect that.

The other issue I hear many gay guys express is concern -- and honestly, I think there's sometimes a certain amount of resentment behind it -- that a bisexual guy will decide to abandon a guy when the going gets tough and get involved with a woman so they can blend in.  I don't think that's giving bisexual guys enough credit, personally.  I'd like to think that if a bisexual guy gets to know me and has feelings for me, he'll decide that I'm worth the troubles that come with sticking in a relationship with me.  To automatically assume he would do otherwise would involve me making judgments abut his character based on nothing but my personal prejudices.

The thing is, what those gay guys fear is not the guy's bisexuality, but the fear that he's still in the closet.  Having dated a few closet cases^[1] (and yes, two of them were bi), I can certainly understand the feeling to a degree.  After all, it's hard to build a relationship with someone who's unwilling to be seen with you or claim his love for you.

 But again, this is a problem that is neither exclusive to nor universal to bisexual guys.  I've known brave bi guys who were ready to face whatever comes for a guy he loves and believes in.  I've met gay guys who were total closet cases.  It's not a sexual orientation thing.  It's a failure to live courageously thing.

To be honest, I think a lot of gay guys who assume bi guys will turn tail and head for the closet and a woman at the first sign of trouble are engaging in a bit of projection.  I suspect that they assume this because there's a part of them that knows that if they had that option and could make it work, that's what they would do.  Like I said, I think there's a bit of resentment going on, because those guy guys know they don't have that option, but someone else might.

So yeah, bi or gay, I love all guys and give them all a chance.  If a guy is attractive, interested, able to commit,^[2] and willing to take a chance on me, that's good enough for me.

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^[1]Let me be clear here.  Not every guy in the closet is a closet case.  There are guys who are in the closet for very good reason.  A younger guy who decides not to come out of the closet to his parents until he no longer needs their financial support is making a smart decision.  A guy who tends to not talk about his life love and/or change pronouns when talking about his partner at work so a homophobic boss doesn't fire him or make his work environment miserable.

Closet cases are those guys who are so deep in the closet and so paranoid that their cover will be blown that their behavior begins to negatively impact others in their lives.  The financially independent guy who still refuses to spend holidays with his boyfriend of five years because family doesn't know is a closet case.  The guy who pulls away from any sort of physical affection despite the fact that he's surrounded by total strangers "just in case someone he knows sees him" is a closet case.

^[2]When the time comes.  I don't expect to discuss China patterns until at least the tenth date.^[3]  ;)

^[3]And I don't count the number of dates, either.