Remembering my first time

Warning:  Frank sex talk ahead.

I'm not sure how my mind got here, but I'm thinking back to my first boyfriend, who also happened to be the first guy I had sex with.  (Well, besides a high school friend who I used to engage in mutual masturbation with.)  For the purposes of this post, I will refer to him as Satyr Boi.  I don't plan on adding his code name to the score card, as I only really plan on talking about him this one time.  After all, he has been out of my life for close to fifteen years.  But you know what they say, you never completely forget your first guy.

Believe it or not, that's about what
Satyr Boi's body hair looked like.

By the time we actually had sex, I had known Satyr Boi for about seven months.  We had met online and then officially met at a get-together of online chats before we became sexually intimate.  Originally, we had planned on having sex at that get-together (it was a weekend affair), but he was still very new to the whole bisexual thing and he backed out.  But we still talked regularly and even spent a week together a month before the "big event."  Then we made plans to get together for a few days.  He didn't have a car at the time, so I arranged to meet him about three hours from my home (he lived in another state) and pick him up for those few days.

I remember that we were still about an hour from my home when he announced that he had decided he was ready to have sex with me.  Let me tell you, that made the rest of the drive tense for me.  The anticipation practically killed me, and we even talked about whether pulling over someplace and finding a secluded spot for a quickie -- or at least a fast blowjob -- was a good idea.  In the end, we waited.

We spent much of those three days talking, watching movies, and fooling around.  And while I cherish those moments, I will admit that the sex wasn't the greatest.  We were both so inexperienced that we had problems, including the fact that he kept slipping out whenever he tried to penetrate me.  This meant that we spent most of our time engaging in oral sex, which was pleasant and I felt I did a good job.  But he was still suffering from some personal hang-ups, which meant he never got off.  While I understood, I took that as a personal blow to my ego.  (I suppose that's why I take such pride whenever I get compliments on my oral skills today.)

But despite that, I have to say that it was a wonderful few days.  Sure, the sex felt incomplete and was full of problems, but just being able to spend time with another guy with such naked (pun not intended, but if the condom fits...) intimacy was truly powerful.  I would say that Satyr Boi was the first guy I ever truly loved in addition to being the first guy I ever became sexually intimate with.

It's no wonder that I became clingy.  While Satyr Boi was dealing with his self-acceptance issues, I was dealing with my own demons of fearing losing someone, of being alone, and of being isolated.  So I found myself clinging to him more tightly, wanting to hold on to that experience and making more such experiences with him in the future.

In the end, we never saw each other after that three day rendezvous.  Our individual issues created a huge mess between us which tore us apart.  Indeed, other than a brief and heated conversation with him a year later, I never really talked to Satyr Boi again.  I don't know what happened to him. For all I know, he may be happily married to a woman now.  Or he may have worked through his own problems and is now in a relationship with some great guy.  Who knows.  Wherever he is and whatever he's doing, I hope he's healthy and happy.

I will always cherish my memories of him and our (sub-par) sexual experiences together.