Well, if he had acted like a friend...

It's been an interesting weekend so far.  Friday night, I ended up going bar-hopping with a friend, Sweet Cynic.  (Oh look, a new code name!  I better update the score card!)  Of course, I have to laugh at the idea of me bar-hopping.  I only have about two drinks each evening, so that works out to less than a drink at each of the three bars we went to.  But we had fun, and it was nice to check out each of the venues.  At the end, we ended up back at Home Bar.  Despite the fact that I like Manly Bar and the other place (I'll have to come up with a code name for the new one at some point), I love Home Bar best.  That's where I know the most people, and I like seeing Management and everyone else.  It gives me the sense of feeling welcome.  And being around Rumor Queen has even been getting less weird.

Actually, that's not entirely true.  I've just been enjoying Rumor Queen's apparent weirdness around me.  It's becoming pretty obvious he doesn't know how to act around me.  I won't fawn all over him and I tend to cultivate an air of polite (at least I hope it's polite) disinterest whenever he starts telling me all about his life.  According to Sweet Cynic (who used to room with Rumor Queen), RQ says that he misses our friendship.  Funny how RQ will tell that to other people, but won't say it to me directly.

I now get that this is not boyfriend (or friend) material.
Took me long enough to figure it out though.

The thing is, RQ is missing my friendship because he never figured out how to act like a friend.  He never learned to make my needs and wants a priority.  They were always things to be addressed later.  If there was time.  If he felt like it.  If it didn't interfere with what he wanted.

You know, I sound pretty down on RQ.  In some ways, I suppose I am.  I don't apologize for it.  I take issue with someone who throws around words like "friend" -- not to mention words like "love" and "boyfriend" -- and can't get outside of himself to see what said friend/boyfriend needs and wants, and address that.  What especially gets me is that I don't think RQ even sees that he failed to do that.  That's how deep his own failure to grow up (and I'm convinced it's a maturity thing)f and see beyond himself runs.

But what also bothers me is that I see this as a pattern in my life.  I've historically drawn to myself and become interested in guys who suffer from this inability to see beyond themselves and failure to really pay attention to my needs and wants.  And I find that upsetting and frustrating.

Granted, I know that I'm working on changing that.  If anything, my experience with Rumor Queen actually demonstrates growth for me in that area.  I recognized what he was doing and cut him loose, rather than keeping him around.  But still, I have to keep reminding myself of that.  And I'll be happy if and when the day comes that I see that kind of behavior pattern right away and don't get involved in the first time.

Of course, the real joy will be when I meet a guy who is totally into me, thinks the world of me, and shows it through his actions from the start.