I could, but I won't.

Every now and then, I like to check out the trending hashtags on Twitter and see if I want to participate in them.  I figure it's a way to meet new people, possibly get new followers on Twitter, and even get readers on the blog.  Plus it can be fun.

Hey, I might go down
the wrong path, but at least
it'll be the path I picked.

The other day, I ran across the then-trending hashtag #ICantDateYou.  It seemed like a fun hashtag at first glance, and there were both silly contributions and more serious ones.  So I sat down and tried to think of what contributions that I might offer that were silly, witty, insightful, or some combination thereof.  But I started running into a problem in my mind.  I had a problem with the hashtag and its implications.  So finally, I offered my only contribution:

#ICantDateYou because...oh let's be more honest than that.  I CAN.  I just WON'T.  #OwningMyChoices

To some, that may seem like a nitpicky semantic difference.  To me, however, that difference means the difference between feeling like a passive observer in my own life and a decisive actor who steers my own course.

Truth be told, I can date a guy who isn't over his ex.  I can date a guy who doesn't like to kiss.  I can date a guy who will do anything to stay in the closet, even if it means acting in ways that are to my detriment.

I just don't want to.

And to be honest, I want that to be very clear to each and every one of those guys.  I don't want them to think that I really wan to be with them and I just need them to change something to accommodate me.  That sort of phrasing puts me at their mercy, and I don't want that either.  I don't want to be their helpless pawn who needs them to change.

And I make that clear by saying, "I don't want this."  It makes it clear that I know what I can do, but more importantly, I know what I will do.  It says that I am not only prepared to walk away from their nonsense, their baggage, and their choices that hurt and disrespect me, but I will do so with my head held high.

There is power in owning my choices.  There is power in saying, "Yeah, I could do that, but there's no way in hell I'm going to.  I value myself too much for that."