The problem with problem solving

It's been a while.  I had a fun but somewhat rough weekend.  I did a bit of exercising -- more rigorous exercise then I've done lately -- on Saturday and it really threw my entire system out of whack.  I've been sore and coughing since, though I think I'm finally on the mend.  I did, however, decide to take a (unpaid unfortunately) sick day today to help speed up the last bit of the recovery.

Work is somewhat slow right now.  We're somewhat between phases of my current project, which means the amount of work I can actually do right now is somewhat limited.  That leads to long days of trying to make small amounts of work stretch as far as I can and look busy the rest of the time.  I hate not having anything to do at work, and not just because I worry that someone in management will begin to wonder what they are paying me for (though that doesn't help either).  If I'm going to be sitting at my desk at work, I want to be accomplishing something.  Or learning something.  Or facing a challenge.

Okay, puzzles are one "problem" I hate solving!

Learning and facing challenges is one of the reasons I went into my line of work.  It involves a lot of problem solving, figuring out what needs to be done, determining the best way to accomplish it, and organizing everything to do so in an efficient manner.  It's a job that centers around one of my favorite questions:  "How can I make this work?"

Of course, that's a great question and pursuit in a highly technical career where everything is under your control.  It's not such a great question or pursuit when dealing with relationships, friendships, or other situations where everything is not under your control, something I also used to do.  Often a huge factor in my codependency was that no matter what the relationship problem was, I was sure I could fix it.  Even if the problem was with the other guy, such as a vice, and he didn't want to change, I figured there was always a way to get him to change.  I'd find the magic (usually manipulative) formula that would get him to see that I was right so that we could get over the obstacle and work things into the perfect relationship I knew I can and should have.

The thing is, people aren't like machines.  There's no magic code that gets them to do exactly what you want -- and as I think about it, I wouldn't want there to be.  They have a mind and will of their own, and they're bound to exercise both.  So I've had to learn that not all relationship problems can be solved and in that domain, there really are obstacles that I can't overcome.

It never occurred to me until now, however, how the problem-solving nature of my career might have contributed to my previous approach to relationships.  It makes me wonder if there are other ways my work has influenced the way I interact with people and approach relationships.