I'm already happy, but I still want a boyfriend.

The following tweet came across my timeline today:

Don't place your happiness in someone else's hands, because once they're gone, so is your happiness.

Yes, I even find happiness
in rainbows.  I'm that gay.

I talk a lot about relationships and sex on this blog, and that's going to continue.  Because I'm a relationship-oriented guy with emotional and sexual needs.  I see no point in denying that fact or hiding it.  And if I talk about them a lot, it's because, quite frankly, those are the needs that are being met in my life the least at the moment.  I have platonic companionship.  I have familial connections.  I have the basic emotional support that I need as well as financial stability and a host of other needs that are well covered.  So it only makes sense that I focus a bit -- or even a lot -- more of my time on the needs that still need to be addressed more adequately.

But while I'm looking for companionship, emotional intimacy, romance, and mutual sexual fulfillment, I can't say as I'm really looking for happiness.  I have several other sources of happiness and consider myself to be a generally happy guy.  You know, beyond those instances of sadness that we all experience from time to time.  Emotions are funny like that.  They come and go and you can't stay in one emotional state all the time.  In fact, it's not healthy to even try.

I remember a few times when Rumor Queen's (now ex-)roommate would tell him that his primary job right now was "keeping Colorful happy."  His roommate meant well, as he was trying to stress to RQ that RQ had this tendency to put all kinds of things -- mostly drama and things that really didn't directly affect or did so only because RQ had this tendency to insert himself into others' problems.  Despite the roommate's best intentions, I always winced at that statement.  I didn't want Rumor Queen to "make" me happy.  For starters, that wasn't and is not in his power.  Second of all, that wasn't his responsibility.  My happiness was and is my own responsibility, and I draw from many sources to develop my sense of happiness.

I find happiness in writing.  I find happiness in watching a silly movie -- even movies that others might laugh at me for liking.  I find happiness in going for a walk and enjoying a beautiful day.  I find happiness in reading a good book.  I find happiness in overcoming a challenge at work.  I find happiness in joking around with friends.

I find happiness everywhere I look.  And if I can't find happiness, I find a way of creating it and introducing it into my circumstances.  (Again, those times when I just need to let my self-pity flag fly for a bit or have strong reasons to be said notwithstanding.)  The idea that Rumor Queen or any other boyfriend could replace all those sources of happiness is downright ludicrous.

Yes, I might also find happiness in spending time with a boyfriend, having a romantic dinner with him, cuddling on the couch with him, or having a wild night of lovemaking (or plain old sex) with him.  It's not like those are not enjoyable things as well.  But I think the key word there is "also."  A boyfriend can't and won't be my sole source of happiness.  That would amount to denying my own individuality and personhood.  It would turn me from being a boyfriend in return to being a parasite living off of and through him.  I don't want that.  (I've effectively tried it before, and it's no fun.)

So yes, I want a boyfriend.  It's on my mind a lot because it's something that represents my least met needs.  And having a boyfriend would probably add to my happiness.  But it can only add.  It cannot create my happiness, because I already have plenty to be happy about.

Plus, you know what one of the best things about having a boyfriend is?  Having someone you can share a lot of that other happiness with.