Tiring Weekend

I'm pretty tired right now.  Of course, it didn't help that I was slightly deprived of sleep on Saturday night.  I didn't leave Manly Bar until midnight, and then I went to a local diner to have a bit of food.  I didn't get home until after 1am and didn't crawl into bed until almost 2am.  Then Hellcat decided to wake me at around 7am, as she needed more food.   After all, she doesn't think she should have to change her schedule just because I decide to be a fool and stay out late.  I couldn't get back to sleep after that, so I was on the low end of my energy levels.  As such, I took it easy on Sunday.  Of course, I usually take it easy on Sundays. 

This year, I think I saw more of the Superbowl than I have in any previous year.  That's because I ended up going out to eat at a local restaurant with a bar that night.  The place was mostly empty except for the bar area, and they had the Superbowl on every television.  And while I spent most of my time staring at my laptop and working on my novel, I had to look up and take a break every now and then.  That meant staring in the general direction of the big television screen about twelve feet in front of me.  I was bound to see some football.  Not to mention commercials.  Heck, I even caught a few seconds of the halftime game.

From a writing perspective, it was a productive night.  I was able to get a lot of writing done, and the two Long Island ice teas I ordered certainly helped tear down any writer's block and silence the internal critic.  So that was good.

Last night, I had some business I had to take care of, so I spent most of the evening running around in my car.  That pretty much killed my plans to stay at home and try to get some extra rest.  Hopefully I'll find time to get some soon before I crash.  I just got healthy again and I'd like to stay that way.

Gotta Get Out

Well, if I still needed a sign that my health really was improving, I got it last night.  At around 9pm, I was going stir crazy.  I was tired of sitting at home by myself and chatting online.  I wanted to get out and hang out with other people.  I wanted to mingle.  I wanted to flirt.  And getting lucky wouldn't have hurt my feelings, either^[1].

In the long run, I decided to stay home, though.  I'm planning to go out to Manly Bar tonight for the bear event they have planned.  Since going out two nights in the same weekend totally drains me and I'm already just starting to get back to feeling like I have energy, I chose to do the responsible, self-care oriented thing instead.

TMI Time!  B!  Definitely B!

I've started going to Manly Bar a bit more.  As much as I like Home Bar -- and I do try to go there from time to time to see some of my favorite bartenders and other friends I have there -- the crowd at Manly Bar is somewhat more my style.  Plus, as they tend to attract younger crowd, Home Bar tends to be filled with all kinds of drama and other immaturity.  I might actually be one of the younger guys^[2] at Manly Bar, in comparison.

Also, Management and his partner got out of the restaurant business, which is quite sad.  That means that the upstairs dining room is no longer open at Home Bar. The kitchen is still open and serves bar food downstairs.  But bar food is just bar food, so it doesn't have quite the same draw.  Plus it means I can no longer go in for a weekend dinner and sit at a quiet table and work on my writing.  Though I have worked on my writing during happy hour on weekdays at the bar before.  I may still do that.

At any rate, it means that I'm re-evaluating just how much time I spend at Home Bar and whether I might be better served by finding a new "regular" hang-out spot.  I may think about trying a coffee shop again.  It would certainly be good from a writing standpoint, but I don't do well at meeting new people at coffee shops.

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^[1]Hey, I'm a guy with needs.  And I haven't done anything since Christmas day, and that time wasn't entirely satisfying for me, either.

^[2]Some day, I may do a whiny post about the conflict between being attracted to younger guys and the frustration I feel with younger guys' antics.  The dynamic is really quite messed up.

Getting Better

There have been a lot of contributing factors to my silence the past few months and I'm not going to go into all of them.  Suffice it to say that things have happened that made this blog a very low priority for me.  I'm hoping that will change now and that I can get back to posting here more regularly.

Not good guests.

Of course, it does help that I'm feeling better.  I will say that one thing that has kept me from posting here the past couple weeks -- or doing just about anything else -- is a nasty infection that caused me all kinds of problems.  I'm not sure what exactly happened.  I suspect that I scratched my skin and dug just enough that something nasty was able to take root and cause a few problems.  By a "few problems," I mean that I was not able to sit, walk, or lay on my side without major discomfort and even some pretty serious pain at times.  I have friends that suffer from chronic pain for various reasons.  I won't claim that the pain I experienced was anywhere near the level of what they deal with on a regular basis, but I will say that my empathy for their problems was greatly increased due to this experience.

I will say that when you can barely do anything rather than just lay there (on your back), you don't feel like blogging.  Or writing.  Or cleaning.  Or doing just about anything else.  And that's basically what my life was like.

The good news is that the big bad owie is gone, so I can get back to all of those things.  This weekend, I spent some time doing some major cleaning, including making it so the one bathroom is no longer a bio-hazard in the making.  Now I just have to do the other bathroom.

I've also gotten back into my writing.  I worked on my novel.  So now I hope to get back to getting way too personal here.

In other news, Rumor Queen re-friended me on Facebook today.  I'll be interested to see how long before I see too much drama and un-friend him again.

Getting back into the saddle.

I was terribly quiet last week.  That's mainly because I was downright exhausted last week.  The week before that, I had been incredibly busy, what with going to a concert and having that date with the one guy.  That was on top of my usual adventures out and about at Home Bar and just having fun with friends.

So last week, I decided I needed some much needed R&R as a preventive measure.  I started having a tickle in my throat and the occasional sniffles.  When that happens, I know it's time to slow down a bit and get plenty of rest unless I want to spend a day or two in bed (which is never quite as fun when you're spending it there alone as when you're spending it there with someone else).

Sadly, this also meant that I didn't get much writing done.  (Have I mentioned that I started a new writing project?)  I'm trying not to beat myself up over that too much.  The two weeks prior to this past one, I had been starting to really get rolling on the writing.  Then last week hit and I dropped down to writing just a handful of paragraphs.  I'm committed to getting back into the swing of things (without a lot of self-flagellation) this week though.  I hope to have writing spurts Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday this week.

On the meeting people/potential dating front, I also spent most of last week conversing with someone new in email.  He seems like a pretty cool guy.  He's about five years younger than me.  We've enjoyed our conversations.  I'm not sure it'll turn into anything more than electronic pen pals, let alone friendship, but I'm trying to enjoy it for what it is.  It's certainly better than a brief conversation or meeting followed by never talking again.  That pattern gets a little annoying after a while, let me tell you.

At any rate, I hope to have more to write as the week progresses.

Moderation? What's that?

This week was a relatively quiet week.  Three out of the five weekdays, I came home after work and took a nap.  I guess I'm still tired from whatever I did to myself last weekend.  That or else I'm tired from the previous week, which was a constant run-fest for me.

Granted, I like getting out and having fun.  I'm glad I'm doing it more, because it's something I need to do.  I think I just need to find balance.  After all, I seem to have this pattern going:

1.  Realize I'm not doing anything but staying home.  Get sad.
2.  Decide to do something about it.  Start going out a lot.
3.  Tire myself out and either get sick or come to the hairy edge of doing so.
4.  Decide to stay in to get rested back up.  Find myself so tired that I stay in all the time until it becomes my normal pattern again.
5.  Restart the cycle at step 1.

If only one of these could help me
balance my various needs.

What can I say?  Colorful is a creature of extremes.  I'm endeavoring to change that, though.  So I'm trying to go out some nights and stay in other nights in the same week.  I know, this is probably a no-brainer for most people.  But like I said, I tend to go to extremes.  Moderation is a virtue I need to develop.  (That and patience, but I'm going to make that virtue wait!)  So this does involve some learning and practice on my part.

That's why I ended up deciding to stay in last night.  Originally, I was going to go to Home Bar at least to say hello to Management and the others.  But I just decided that I can and will see them tonight.  We can wait that long.  Especially since I stopped in there for dinner on Thursday.

Sweet Cynic was a bit disappointed, as we tentatively planned to go there together last night.  But to be honest, the thought of taking Sweet Cynic with me made the prospect of going out even less desirable.  In addition to the fact that it's hard to be around him when he's drinking, there's the fact that I can't come and go as I please when he's with me.  I've had more than one occasion where I've told him I was ready to go and he kept doing the "one more drink/one more minute/one more whatever" thing until I finally blew up and told him I was leaving immediately and that unless he wanted to find another way home, he better get in the car.

And that's not the kind of person you want to be around when you're trying to develop a sense of balance between going out and having a good time and getting the rest and quiet time your mind and body need.

Loving the Outdoors

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been trying to walk more and spend more time outside.  This week hasn't worked out so well as of yet due to the weather and my own tiredness.  But I hope to get back into it tomorrow.  (I'd walk tonight, but I have a long walk planned for tomorrow with Doughnut Lady, a friend who has asked to join me on one of my great treks.)

The exercise has been good for me, and I hope to see the benefits eventually in terms of improved health, increased energy, and maybe even a smaller waistline.  But I think more than that, I'm coming to appreciate being outdoors.  I like the fresh air and the time in the sun.  I like being able to enjoy a nice sunset if I'm walking during the evening.  And I enjoy passing by and even talking ot the occasional stranger on my walks.

Even more, I like how I feel afterward.  Right now, I end up feeling quite tired, but it's a healthy tired.  It's the kind of tired that I feel because my body feels like it's been doing something.  It's the kind of tired that I feel because all is well.  I end up sleeping better as a result, I think.

Granted, right now my walks tire me out a bit much.  Ideally, I'd like to be able to walk between six and seven and still be able to feel active and able to write or do other things until ten, rather than feeling like I should be in bed by eight.  I'm hoping that will come in time, though.  And in the meantime, I'm enjoying myself and dealing with the tiredness, and still enjoying even the tiredness a little.