Happy Memorial Day weekend! If this evening was any indication of what the next three days will be like, it should be a beautiful one. Granted, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it was a wee bit cooler the rest of the weekend. I had to lay under a fan until the sun went down before I could do anything that didn’t involve an air conditioned room. And Colorful the adventurous queer wants to get outdoors this weekend. I foresee lots of time spent walking, letting Hellcat play outdoors, and anything else I can think of. Heck, I’ve even been invited to a pool party on Saturday, which is wonderful.
Of course, it would be even better if the pool party was on Sunday or even Monday, when I’m more likely to be sitting around and wondering what to do with myself. (Hey, I can only do that so many times in one day!) But alas, it’s on the same day when I already have a plethora of other possible activities to choose from as well. Seriously, my friends need to learn to plan their pool parties and other events with my scheduling needs in mind. After all, the universe revolves around me, right? (Hey, it’s my blog. Let me fantasize.)
Apparently, the walking is starting to pay off. When Management got a chance to sit down with me in the dining room at Home Bar, he complimented me on losing weight. I hadn’t realized I had actually started ditching weight -- losing it implies I might try to find it again -- yet, so that was a pleasant surprise. Of course, I’m trying to make sure my walking is not about losing weight. I just want to go out and enjoy some nice strolls and get some fresh air and exercise. I know if I make it about losing weight, I’ll be in trouble.
If I make it about losing weight, it won’t be about having a good time -- something that is essential to keeping me motivated about walking. I’ll start getting frustrated and discouraged when I plateau or have other problems. And then I’ll stop. I want to avoid that.
Plus I don’t want to encourage the underlying feeling I know I sometimes have that I need to lose weight in order to be lovable or sexually desirable. As much as my self esteem has improved over the past several years, I know I sometimes still struggle with body image issues. I don’t want to feed into that mentality and make it worse by setting weight loss as a goal.
Granted, I will probably lose weight anyway. I usually do when I start getting more active and boost my metabolism. And if that happens, that’s great. But I figure if it happens without me focusing on it, it just becomes a natural outcome of getting out and having a good time rather than something I’m trying to do in order to make myself appealing to others, particularly other guys.
Because let’s face it, if they don’t see how appealing I am already, then they are damn fools.
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