Broken Up, but not Broken-Hearted

It's been a while since I posted an update.  That's mainly because I was too busy running around with Snuggly Bear.  Sadly, I'm no longer running around with Snuggly Bear.  This is mainly because I broke up with Snuggly Bear last Saturday.  I am once again single.

In many ways, I'm okay with the break-up.  In many ways, I'm proud of the break-up.  Truth be told, the relationship wasn't going well, and it was becoming obvious that things in the relationship weren't going to improve, at least not unless I was willing to keep pushing, making threats, and otherwise make things progress through sheer force of will...and manipulation/coercion.

I just didn't need that, nor did I want it.  For starters, it would've required me to put way too much into the relationship than I really should have to.  Plus, you know, I don't want to go back to being maniipulative or coercive.  It'd be the Karpellian Drama Triangle all over again.  If I have to go back to that to keep a relationship going, then it's not a relationship worth trying to save.

In many ways, I'm proud of myself for acknowledging that truth and acting on it.  Even a year ago, I would have tried just about anything to keep things going, to try and make things work out.  I was that desperate.  So I'm patting myself on the back for saying, "No way, Jose" and moving on.

Granted, I'm also hurt.  I'm hurt that it came to that.  I'm hurt that Snuggly Bear seemed willing to keep the relationship going the way it was, even though I felt it was obvious that the relationship was going the way it was at my expense.  I'm a little hurt -- and sad for him -- that he seems willing to walk away from the relationship -- something he once claimed was the best thing that ever happened to him -- just so he can bury his head in the sand and avoid facing up to the hard work of making the changes that would have been necessary to make things healthy between us.

But as a good friend once told me, people don't change until the pain of remaining the same becomes too great to bear.  And it seems that Snuggly Bear can still withstand -- or avoid -- the pain remaining the same is causing him.  Unfortunately for him, I'm no longer to bear the pain it's causing me.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think Snuggly Bear is a bad person.  But one things that my time in therapy taught me is that sometimes, it really should be about me.  I'm declaring this one of those times.