Friday Thoughts: Integrity and Gossip

One of the advantages of living a life of integrity is that when someone tells you about the rumor they heard concerning you, you can simply respond by throwing back your head and laughing.  Those who overheard are most likely to join in with you, too.

Colorful Needs New Shoes

For those who read this post's title and expected me to talk about gambling, you're going to be disappointed.  But on the bright side, you have the pleasure of knowing that you got my attempt at a comedic reference.  Yeah, I guess that makes me something of a tease.  But I'm only a non-sexual tease.

I'm trying to get back into walking again.  I pretty much stopped for a couple (two? three? four? I don't remember!) weeks.  I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about the lapse, since beating myself up and sending myself into a guilt-ridden funk.  Instead, I'm going to accept that I was dealing with too much exhaustion and other stuff to keep at it and congratulate myself for getting back on the horse now that I'm finding the energy again.  Rewarding good behavior is so much better than flogging myself (since I can't find a cute guy to flog me for me) over the slip-ups.

Of course, I've also realized I have one walking-related problem that needs to be resolved soon:  I really do need new shoes.  Well, sneakers.  The insoles of my current pair are worn down to being nonexistent in places, which means that they're rubbing the soles of my feet in unfortunate ways that are doing horrible and unspeakable things to them.  As I tend to like the soles of my feet and would prefer them not to become permanently malformed or otherwise damaged, I've decided to set aside some money from tomorrow's paycheck and hit the clearance section of my favorite shoe store.  (Wait?  I have a favorite shoe store?  Can I get any gayer?  (Don't answer that!))

So tonight, after Home Bar, I'll be taking my pleasant stroll again through parts of the city.  It'll be good to et back into it.  And tomorrow, it'll be even better to buy and put on a pair of sneakers that don't commit acts against my feet that are probably outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

Get Personal With Me: Humor

Humor is a funny thing.  Different things cause different people to laugh.  The mere mention of a certain word may result in one person breaking out into a huge belly laugh because it reminds them of their favorite joke.  For another person, the absurdity of their current situation may cause them to break down in peels of hysterical laughter.

How about you?  What's something that tickles your funny bone to the point you can't hold in the laughter?

Forgiveness as a weaopn

While checking out blogs this morning, I ran into a post about how forgiveness has become a tool of oppressors.  I highly suggest you read it, as it's well worth it.  It's also of particular value of me because it reminds me of how Hot Pants used to use the concept of forgiveness as a weapon against me.

Hot Pants would do something to hurt me, or maybe I'd catch him in another lie.  I'd confront him.  He would respond following a simple pattern:

1. He'd deny everything.
2. He'd make counter-accusations.  ("Well, you did this!")
3. He'd generally lash out and possibly threaten to never talk to me again.
4. If none of the above had worked, he'd finally offer some sort of apology and expect everything to go back to normal.

Of course, "back to normal" usually meant I was supposed to forget the whole thing so that he could continue to engage in the same deceitful and/or hurtful behavior.  Which is why this cycle kept going until I said enough was enough.  I eventually told Hot Pants, "No.  If you expect me to reconcile^[1] with you, then you need to do certain specific things to demonstrate to me that you will stop this behavior."

Well, that went over like a lead balloon.  And I got all kinds of accusations about how I was supposed to "forgive" him.  After all, that's what his religion says.  You know, neglecting the fact that I don't follow his religion.

Personally, I've always felt (and still do) that Hot Pants simply used his religion and twisted its concepts to suit his own selfish needs.  I'm not convinced at all that his church would have approved of the way he tried to use forgiveness against me.  But Sara's post reeminded me that some church leaders to approve of such an abuse of forgiveness, and even engage in it themselves.  Sara describes this when she talks about how a situation is handled when "powerful people in the church" are called out:

Later, when those who accused the powerful man ask for that man to be kept accountable so he doesn’t hurt anyone else, the church leaders remind them, “His past is in the past. If you keep bringing it up, you’re not really forgiving him. Neither will your heavenly father forgive you.”

In some ways, it's nice to have that affirmation.  It's also nice to know that some Christians not only see how forgiveness can be turned into something abusive, but even acknowledge that it's a tactic used by some church leaders themselves.

---

^[1]One of the reasons this "forgiveness as a weapon or tool of oppression" thing works so well is that many people fail to realize that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.  It is perfectly legitimate to say, "I forgive you, but I do not wish to have you in my life any more."

Weekend update and meeting people.

I had a fairly enjoyable weekend.  I decided not to go out Friday or Saturday night, figuring that I would enjoy some quiet time at home, rather than pushing through the crowds at Home Bar.  Besides, I'm really doubting whether going to Home Bar on Saturday nights is really the best use of my time.  I certainly enjoy seeing all the people I know there.  But at the same time, I'm not sure I'm meeting anyone new anymore, which is a bit of a concern.

Speaking of meeting new people, I read some great advice on another blog last week that applies to the topic and I found helpful.  The advice made it clear that it would be best if I (and others) set the goal to meet new people and not make new friends.  In fact, the advice the blogger gave is if you introduce yourself and strike up a conversation and the other person asks why, tell them simply, "I'm trying to meet different people."  The idea -- which makes sense to me -- is that saying you're looking for friends can come off as putting on too much pressure.  Whereas if you present yourself as merely wanting to meet people, it's quite simple.

I like this because meeting people is easy.  A brief conversation over nothing major -- even the weather -- is a finite, achievable goal.  And yeah, while I might want one of those conversations to develop into something more lasting and interesting, it enables me to seek out a mass quantity of contacts without putting too much hope into any one particular conversation.

In other ways, the advice was quite reaffirming, as it offered specific conversation starters that pretty much mirrored things I've already been doing.  The big example they gave was telling someone they like their outfit.  I'll often comment on a piece of jewelry someone is wearing or a visible tattoo.  And it's reaffirming to know that others figure that such simple interactions could conceivably lead to further conversations.

So I guess I just have to keep doing what I'm doing (though maybe pick a different venue or two) and let things happen when they happen.

Aw? You don't think I'm the hottest guy on earth?

Every now and then, I put out a personal ad.  I don't really expect to get any results from them, but I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Today, I put out one such ad, indicating that I was a romantic and sweet guy looking to connect with other guys and see what happens.

I had  guy who is twenty years older than me respond to the ad.  His response basically made it clear that sex was the primary and possibly the only thing on his mind.  Given the age difference and the fact that this particular ad gave no indication I was looking for sex (and I've submitted ads where my primary and sole interest was in finding sex before), I decided that I wasn't interested.  So I sent him a brief message that simply said, "No thanks."

Of course, the email account I use for personal ads includes the following fun little tag-line:

Some say humor is sexy.  If that's the case, then I may be hottest guy you know.

I think it's fun, and it highlights what I think is one of my greatest qualities.

Well, apparently, the guy decided that because I told him I'm not interested -- heaven forbid I have a say in who I pursue a relationship with -- he needed to let me know his opinion on the matter:

I doubt you are the hottest guy I know.  I know some very sexy ones.  Good bye.

LOL!  Good luck, guy.  Hopefully one of those other sexy guys that you know will be willing to give you what you were seeking from me.  Granted, my pettier side wonders...if you know so many sexy guys that are probably hotter than me, why were you seeking me out anyway?

Somehow, I think I'll find a way to survive knowing that this guy doesn't think I'm the hottest guy he knows.  It may be hard, though.

Get Personal With Me: Self Improvement

What one personal change have you made that you're most proud of?  A change of habit?  A change in how you see yourself?  A change in how you deal with stress?  Whatever it is, share.

Ugh....

Also called "legal crack."

I had absolutely no caffeine yesterday.  My brain is making it clear to me this morning that this is an unacceptable course of action and that I will be punished for this and all future infractions.

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good.  My funk from the weekend is mostly over.  I've been spending a lot of time relaxing, resting and watching (stupid) movies.

A bit down

I had an unfortunate experience at Home Bar yesterday evening.  It has me reconsidering how much time I want to spend there in the future, or at least how I spend my time when I'm there.  I'm still mulling things over, as I don't want to make any rash decisions.  Plus I do feel better about the fact that at least one of the owners noticed what happened and seemed way more than sympathetic.

Also, this incident has pretty much connected with other things that have been on my mind, which has me in something of a general funk.  As such, my posting for the next couple of days may be brief and/or sporadic.

Gonna wash that mess right out of my home.

I need to find a few
of these items!

I have decided that this weekend will be cleaning day.  I have once again reached the point that I hate looking around my home and seeing clutter as far as the eye can see.  So rather than keeping telling myself that I'll "get around to it," I've decided that I'll get to work this weekend.  I already spent about an hour decluttering the living room this morning.

Granted, I plan on doing other things this weekend as all.  After all, all cleaning and no fun would make Colorful seem much more grey, even after I get all the cobwebs off of me.  So I will still run out to see friends today, have dinner at Home Bar, and go out for the night.  In fact, even while I'm here, I won't be cleaning every single minute.  I think I would burn out.  Instead, I figure that I'll clean in twenty to sixty minute bursts with plenty of television, reading, or chatting online in between.  Even if I only have three or four bursts each day, I figure that will get a lot accomplished and leave me feeling better about both my home and myself.

Of course, the other thing I want to tackle is giving both bathrooms a good scrubbing. They both need it.  Once I get everything cleaned up, I want to get on a better schedule of keeping things that way, too.  I've done better than I have in the past, but I can still definitely improve, as is obvious.

I hope all my readers have a wonderful and productive day.