Meh

So the coffee date did not go quite as expected.  Granted, it wasn't a complete disaster, and the guy seems like a half decent fellow.  I'm hoping that means that we'll become friends and hang out at times.  Perhaps I'll meet some new people -- and new potential mates -- through him.  But as for being a potential mate or even a sex partner, it's a no go.  We both came to that same conclusion.  In fact, I was getting ready to send him an email saying as much an hour or so after I got home, only to find he'd already sent me an email saying much the same thing.

I'm not entirely surprised, and in the grand scheme of things, I had my doubts earlier this weekend.  There were just a few things he said and did over the weekend that came across as subtle (and not so subtle) violations of my personal boundaries.  For example, on Friday night, he originally suggested we  meet Saturday morning.  I explained to him that I had been feeling tired and on the verge of compromising my health and wanted to sleep in on Saturday.  He said he understood, but then he kept bringing it up the rest of Friday evening and even on Saturday.  He'd say little things, like, "I wish we I was meeting you tomorrow, but I understand that you can't."  I felt as if he was cajoling  me, trying to get me to change my mind.  Which left me wondering:  if he was willing to do that before we even met, what would he be like if we got involved?  Add to that a few things he said during the coffee date, and I just felt that his expectations for getting involved with him -- especially since he's not looking for a full-blown romantic relationship at this time -- were a bit unreasonable.

Granted, I am a bit disappointed that he sent me an email saying he didn't think we'd work out sexually.  It's probably a little bit petty of me, but I really wanted to be the one to turn him down.  I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I found things that caused me to find the arrangement discomforting.  Yeah, I suppose I could have still said as much to him (as it is, I just agreed that it's best we simply opt for friendship), but I think that would have come off as sour grapes rather than honest criticism.

Plus, I admit, I'm disappointed.  At first, this guy seemed like a real possibility, and as much as I'm glad I found out I was wrong about it this early in the game, the loss of a possibility is still frustrating.  Especially when I'm not sure when the next possibility will put in an appearance.

Fuzzy revisited

It occurred to me the other day, that I never followed up on what happened between me and Fuzzy Pro, who I met back in mid-June.  That's mainly because I'm not exactly sure what happened myself.  All I know is what didn't happen.

I ended up going to the event his club was holding at Manly Bar that Saturday (June 16).  I found him when I got there.  He was busy working.  He smiled and said hi, then told me that he'd be going on break in about twenty minutes.  I nodded okay, ordered myself a (nonalcoholic, sadly) drink, and hung out at the bar, assuming he'd come over and let me know when he was actually on break.

See?  Still whole!

Thirty minutes later, I was still standing at the bar.  I glanced around, and realized he wasn't at his post, so I began wandering around the bar, looking to see if I could find him.  When I was reasonably certain I couldn't see him, I decided to step outside to see if he grabbed a quick smoke.  Sure enough he was outside, talking to friends.  I found it strange that he didn't come let me know he was on break, but I figured I'd just join him and his friends.  So I walked up, joined their group.  He looked at me and went on talking with his friends.  For his entire break, which lasted roughly an hour.

Mind you, he didn't completely ignore me, though I doubt he said more than fifty words directly to me the entire time.  He did introduce me to a couple of his friends.  It was all just very weird.  So when he finished his final cigarette and announced he had to go back to work, I told him that I was leaving.  I explained that I had had a rough day which had left me really tired and not feeling well (all of which was true) and that I needed to get back home so I could rest.  So he gave me a quick smooch (which I get the impression is the equivalent of a handshake in the circles he moves in) and went back in.  I went back home.

I assumed this meant that at some point between our first meeting that Thursday and the time I said goodbye on Saturday, he lost interest in me.  Since I haven't heard a word from him since then, I'm fairly confident my original interpretation was the correct one.

I can't say as I'm too upset about this.  Even that night, other than the disappointment of not having my hopes of at least a couple enjoyable dates (and maybe a romp in the bedroom or playroom) out of the experience, I was fairly okay with the fact that he lost interest.  I suppose in a lot of ways, my recent choices to be more particular about who I want to get romantically or even sexually involved with has also helped me learn not to take it so personally when a guy isn't interested or loses interest.  I can live with the fact that he simply decided I wasn't quite what he was looking for.  And I'm totally past my old tendency to try to find out what's wrong so I could "change" myself to suit a guy's tastes better.  Hey, I figure if a guy isn't into who I am and what I bring to the table, some other guy down the road will be.  And that guy will figure out pretty quick that he's one lucky bastard.

I will admit that I'm still a bit bothered that there was no explanation or no indication of, "Hey, you seem great, but I decided I'm looking for something different after all."  But even that is a minor annoyance and not something that's worth making  scene over.

And besides, he still totally checked me out, and that's still awesome.