A bit down

I had an unfortunate experience at Home Bar yesterday evening.  It has me reconsidering how much time I want to spend there in the future, or at least how I spend my time when I'm there.  I'm still mulling things over, as I don't want to make any rash decisions.  Plus I do feel better about the fact that at least one of the owners noticed what happened and seemed way more than sympathetic.

Also, this incident has pretty much connected with other things that have been on my mind, which has me in something of a general funk.  As such, my posting for the next couple of days may be brief and/or sporadic.

Meh

So the coffee date did not go quite as expected.  Granted, it wasn't a complete disaster, and the guy seems like a half decent fellow.  I'm hoping that means that we'll become friends and hang out at times.  Perhaps I'll meet some new people -- and new potential mates -- through him.  But as for being a potential mate or even a sex partner, it's a no go.  We both came to that same conclusion.  In fact, I was getting ready to send him an email saying as much an hour or so after I got home, only to find he'd already sent me an email saying much the same thing.

I'm not entirely surprised, and in the grand scheme of things, I had my doubts earlier this weekend.  There were just a few things he said and did over the weekend that came across as subtle (and not so subtle) violations of my personal boundaries.  For example, on Friday night, he originally suggested we  meet Saturday morning.  I explained to him that I had been feeling tired and on the verge of compromising my health and wanted to sleep in on Saturday.  He said he understood, but then he kept bringing it up the rest of Friday evening and even on Saturday.  He'd say little things, like, "I wish we I was meeting you tomorrow, but I understand that you can't."  I felt as if he was cajoling  me, trying to get me to change my mind.  Which left me wondering:  if he was willing to do that before we even met, what would he be like if we got involved?  Add to that a few things he said during the coffee date, and I just felt that his expectations for getting involved with him -- especially since he's not looking for a full-blown romantic relationship at this time -- were a bit unreasonable.

Granted, I am a bit disappointed that he sent me an email saying he didn't think we'd work out sexually.  It's probably a little bit petty of me, but I really wanted to be the one to turn him down.  I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I found things that caused me to find the arrangement discomforting.  Yeah, I suppose I could have still said as much to him (as it is, I just agreed that it's best we simply opt for friendship), but I think that would have come off as sour grapes rather than honest criticism.

Plus, I admit, I'm disappointed.  At first, this guy seemed like a real possibility, and as much as I'm glad I found out I was wrong about it this early in the game, the loss of a possibility is still frustrating.  Especially when I'm not sure when the next possibility will put in an appearance.

Broken Up, but not Broken-Hearted

It's been a while since I posted an update.  That's mainly because I was too busy running around with Snuggly Bear.  Sadly, I'm no longer running around with Snuggly Bear.  This is mainly because I broke up with Snuggly Bear last Saturday.  I am once again single.

In many ways, I'm okay with the break-up.  In many ways, I'm proud of the break-up.  Truth be told, the relationship wasn't going well, and it was becoming obvious that things in the relationship weren't going to improve, at least not unless I was willing to keep pushing, making threats, and otherwise make things progress through sheer force of will...and manipulation/coercion.

I just didn't need that, nor did I want it.  For starters, it would've required me to put way too much into the relationship than I really should have to.  Plus, you know, I don't want to go back to being maniipulative or coercive.  It'd be the Karpellian Drama Triangle all over again.  If I have to go back to that to keep a relationship going, then it's not a relationship worth trying to save.

In many ways, I'm proud of myself for acknowledging that truth and acting on it.  Even a year ago, I would have tried just about anything to keep things going, to try and make things work out.  I was that desperate.  So I'm patting myself on the back for saying, "No way, Jose" and moving on.

Granted, I'm also hurt.  I'm hurt that it came to that.  I'm hurt that Snuggly Bear seemed willing to keep the relationship going the way it was, even though I felt it was obvious that the relationship was going the way it was at my expense.  I'm a little hurt -- and sad for him -- that he seems willing to walk away from the relationship -- something he once claimed was the best thing that ever happened to him -- just so he can bury his head in the sand and avoid facing up to the hard work of making the changes that would have been necessary to make things healthy between us.

But as a good friend once told me, people don't change until the pain of remaining the same becomes too great to bear.  And it seems that Snuggly Bear can still withstand -- or avoid -- the pain remaining the same is causing him.  Unfortunately for him, I'm no longer to bear the pain it's causing me.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think Snuggly Bear is a bad person.  But one things that my time in therapy taught me is that sometimes, it really should be about me.  I'm declaring this one of those times.