My curent frustration

Email from guy:  Hey!  I just saw your personal ad.  You seem like a great guy....

Reply from me:  Hey!  Good to hear from you.

(Conversation ensues.)

Guy:  This has been a great conversation!  So can you send me a picture?

Me:  Sure thing.  Here you go.

(No answer.)

(Weeks pass and I update my ad or create a new one.)

Email from same guy:  Hey!  I just saw your personal ad.  You seem like a great guy....

Reply from me:  Thanks.  Actually, I think we already talked.  This is me...

(Crickets.)

(Lather, rinse, repeat.)

I think I'll stick to beef and pork the next few days

I'm a bit burned out on the Chick-Fil-A controversy right now, to the point where I'm not sure I want to see any chicken regardless of where it comes from right now.  To be honest, there's a part of me that's frustrated that August 1 is now two days in the past and the Facebook posts, tweets, and blog posts^[1] seem to be going ahead full steam.

Yep, this is looking
real good right now.

I'm also frustrated by the ignorance displayed by some of the people still talking about controversy.  People are still pushing the meme that this is about free speech and Dan Cathy's right to say he's opposed to marriage equality.  This just demonstrates that they've been listening to the soundbites a lot of people have been spreading around and haven't dug^[2] more deeply into the issue to learn about the kind of organizations Cathy funnels corporate money into or the kinds of things those organizations do to actively hurt a dehumanize LGBT people.  You know, if people choose to still patronize Chick-Fil-A, I find that hurtful.  I'll get over it, though.  The fact that they haven't taken the time to learn why LGBT people are upset and have simply bought into the "freedom of speech" meme that's floating around hurts much worse and is going to take a lot longer to get over.

I think what really hurt the most is when a friend -- a friend who is very much pro-equality, no less -- offered her opinion on the subject on Facebook.  It was clear that she had bought into the "freedom of speech" meme.  That hurt the most.  Strangers who don't bother to figure out why I might be upset with a company is bad enough.  Friends who don't bother to ask me why I'm upset about something and just listen to what they happen to overhear on social media sites...Well, I'm working on forgiving her....

So yeah, I'm just sad and burned out.

Comment Moderation Note:  This is not an invitation to debate the politics or ethics of this boycott or supporting Chick-Fil-A.  Comments that do so will be deleted.  Commenters who attempt to do so more than once shall find themselves in Tartarus (i.e. banned).  Feel free to talk about how this controversy has affected you on a personal level, but try to keep the focus there.  There are plenty of other places you can argue over whether boycotts are effective, whether LGBT people should be boycotting other companies, or even whether a person can still eat at Chick-Fil-A without being "a hater."  If that's what you want to talk about, please go to one of those other places.  I will not be offended.  I will be grateful.  And you won't find yourself in danger of going to Tartarus.

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^[1]Okay, I'm a little more tolerant of the blog posts, as some of them are really good in that they are nuanced and tend to explore the subject in interesting ways rather than simply being brief moments of outrage and indicative that the speaker is pretty much ignorant of the details of the controversy.

^[2]And before anyone asks, I'm not going to explain those things to you.  Nor am I going to provide links.  Quite frankly, there are plenty of LGBT bloggers -- and bloggers who are allies -- who have posted everything I could possibly say on the subject and have done a better job of it than I can.  If you really want to know "what all the fuss is about," Google is your friend.

A rough start to a peaceful finish

I ended up going to Home Bar last night.  I decided that I needed to get out of the house for a bit.  I think that the guy I had been talking to earlier this week is going to stand me up this week.  I haven't talked to him for the last couple of days, and a few things that he said Wednesday night just gave me the impression that he's a lot of talk and no action.  I've been there before and I don't want to go there again.  So if I don't hear from him by Sunday, I'm just going to write him off.  Unless he has some major good reason -- like a family emergency r health reason -- I'll just tell him that I don't feel it's worth my time to pursue things with him anymore.  Yeah, I felt great because he showed interest in me.  Someone else will show interest in me too.  And with luck, the next guy will follow through.

This isn't the river I walk along, but it's about as idyllic.

Then around 9pm, Sweet Cynic texted me.  Bear in mind that I haven't heard from him in three or four weeks because he's been dating that asshole.  That would be the asshole that he dated for two weeks, got into a huge fight with back in mid-June, swore he was over and never wanted to talk to, and then proceeded to stick with him for another three to four weeks.  Well, they finally broke up earlier this week, and Sweet Cynic, being totally predictable, ended up texting me now that he's all alone.  I'm tired of that kind of friendship, not to mention tired of listening go on about the obvious losers he keeps getting involved about after he figures out their losers.  So I didn't respond to the text message.  If he texts me again or calls me again, I'm probably just going to tell him that we haven't talked in quite a while, so I've moved on and am not interested in being there for him now that he suddenly "needs a friend" again.

So yeah, this and a general malaise was bothering me, so around 10:30 I decided the hell with it.  I put on some  clothes and headed to Home Bar.  It's amazing what an hour among friends -- not to mention a couple good drinks and the best hot dog with meat sauce in town -- will do for my mood.  I had a great time talking to Management.  Plus, one of the drag queens (I'm not sure of her name) came over, gave me a hug, and told me I looked incredible.  (I was wearing a button-up shirt that was only buttoned up to the sternum, which is not a style usually sport.)  That was an awesome feeling.  And then I went for my midnight walk along the river and through parts of the city before I came home.

As a result, I'm feeling much more peaceful.

Well, if he had acted like a friend...

It's been an interesting weekend so far.  Friday night, I ended up going bar-hopping with a friend, Sweet Cynic.  (Oh look, a new code name!  I better update the score card!)  Of course, I have to laugh at the idea of me bar-hopping.  I only have about two drinks each evening, so that works out to less than a drink at each of the three bars we went to.  But we had fun, and it was nice to check out each of the venues.  At the end, we ended up back at Home Bar.  Despite the fact that I like Manly Bar and the other place (I'll have to come up with a code name for the new one at some point), I love Home Bar best.  That's where I know the most people, and I like seeing Management and everyone else.  It gives me the sense of feeling welcome.  And being around Rumor Queen has even been getting less weird.

Actually, that's not entirely true.  I've just been enjoying Rumor Queen's apparent weirdness around me.  It's becoming pretty obvious he doesn't know how to act around me.  I won't fawn all over him and I tend to cultivate an air of polite (at least I hope it's polite) disinterest whenever he starts telling me all about his life.  According to Sweet Cynic (who used to room with Rumor Queen), RQ says that he misses our friendship.  Funny how RQ will tell that to other people, but won't say it to me directly.

I now get that this is not boyfriend (or friend) material.
Took me long enough to figure it out though.

The thing is, RQ is missing my friendship because he never figured out how to act like a friend.  He never learned to make my needs and wants a priority.  They were always things to be addressed later.  If there was time.  If he felt like it.  If it didn't interfere with what he wanted.

You know, I sound pretty down on RQ.  In some ways, I suppose I am.  I don't apologize for it.  I take issue with someone who throws around words like "friend" -- not to mention words like "love" and "boyfriend" -- and can't get outside of himself to see what said friend/boyfriend needs and wants, and address that.  What especially gets me is that I don't think RQ even sees that he failed to do that.  That's how deep his own failure to grow up (and I'm convinced it's a maturity thing)f and see beyond himself runs.

But what also bothers me is that I see this as a pattern in my life.  I've historically drawn to myself and become interested in guys who suffer from this inability to see beyond themselves and failure to really pay attention to my needs and wants.  And I find that upsetting and frustrating.

Granted, I know that I'm working on changing that.  If anything, my experience with Rumor Queen actually demonstrates growth for me in that area.  I recognized what he was doing and cut him loose, rather than keeping him around.  But still, I have to keep reminding myself of that.  And I'll be happy if and when the day comes that I see that kind of behavior pattern right away and don't get involved in the first time.

Of course, the real joy will be when I meet a guy who is totally into me, thinks the world of me, and shows it through his actions from the start.