Friday Thoughts: Integrity and Gossip

One of the advantages of living a life of integrity is that when someone tells you about the rumor they heard concerning you, you can simply respond by throwing back your head and laughing.  Those who overheard are most likely to join in with you, too.

Colorful Needs New Shoes

For those who read this post's title and expected me to talk about gambling, you're going to be disappointed.  But on the bright side, you have the pleasure of knowing that you got my attempt at a comedic reference.  Yeah, I guess that makes me something of a tease.  But I'm only a non-sexual tease.

I'm trying to get back into walking again.  I pretty much stopped for a couple (two? three? four? I don't remember!) weeks.  I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about the lapse, since beating myself up and sending myself into a guilt-ridden funk.  Instead, I'm going to accept that I was dealing with too much exhaustion and other stuff to keep at it and congratulate myself for getting back on the horse now that I'm finding the energy again.  Rewarding good behavior is so much better than flogging myself (since I can't find a cute guy to flog me for me) over the slip-ups.

Of course, I've also realized I have one walking-related problem that needs to be resolved soon:  I really do need new shoes.  Well, sneakers.  The insoles of my current pair are worn down to being nonexistent in places, which means that they're rubbing the soles of my feet in unfortunate ways that are doing horrible and unspeakable things to them.  As I tend to like the soles of my feet and would prefer them not to become permanently malformed or otherwise damaged, I've decided to set aside some money from tomorrow's paycheck and hit the clearance section of my favorite shoe store.  (Wait?  I have a favorite shoe store?  Can I get any gayer?  (Don't answer that!))

So tonight, after Home Bar, I'll be taking my pleasant stroll again through parts of the city.  It'll be good to et back into it.  And tomorrow, it'll be even better to buy and put on a pair of sneakers that don't commit acts against my feet that are probably outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

Get Personal With Me: Humor

Humor is a funny thing.  Different things cause different people to laugh.  The mere mention of a certain word may result in one person breaking out into a huge belly laugh because it reminds them of their favorite joke.  For another person, the absurdity of their current situation may cause them to break down in peels of hysterical laughter.

How about you?  What's something that tickles your funny bone to the point you can't hold in the laughter?

Forgiveness as a weaopn

While checking out blogs this morning, I ran into a post about how forgiveness has become a tool of oppressors.  I highly suggest you read it, as it's well worth it.  It's also of particular value of me because it reminds me of how Hot Pants used to use the concept of forgiveness as a weapon against me.

Hot Pants would do something to hurt me, or maybe I'd catch him in another lie.  I'd confront him.  He would respond following a simple pattern:

1. He'd deny everything.
2. He'd make counter-accusations.  ("Well, you did this!")
3. He'd generally lash out and possibly threaten to never talk to me again.
4. If none of the above had worked, he'd finally offer some sort of apology and expect everything to go back to normal.

Of course, "back to normal" usually meant I was supposed to forget the whole thing so that he could continue to engage in the same deceitful and/or hurtful behavior.  Which is why this cycle kept going until I said enough was enough.  I eventually told Hot Pants, "No.  If you expect me to reconcile^[1] with you, then you need to do certain specific things to demonstrate to me that you will stop this behavior."

Well, that went over like a lead balloon.  And I got all kinds of accusations about how I was supposed to "forgive" him.  After all, that's what his religion says.  You know, neglecting the fact that I don't follow his religion.

Personally, I've always felt (and still do) that Hot Pants simply used his religion and twisted its concepts to suit his own selfish needs.  I'm not convinced at all that his church would have approved of the way he tried to use forgiveness against me.  But Sara's post reeminded me that some church leaders to approve of such an abuse of forgiveness, and even engage in it themselves.  Sara describes this when she talks about how a situation is handled when "powerful people in the church" are called out:

Later, when those who accused the powerful man ask for that man to be kept accountable so he doesn’t hurt anyone else, the church leaders remind them, “His past is in the past. If you keep bringing it up, you’re not really forgiving him. Neither will your heavenly father forgive you.”

In some ways, it's nice to have that affirmation.  It's also nice to know that some Christians not only see how forgiveness can be turned into something abusive, but even acknowledge that it's a tactic used by some church leaders themselves.

---

^[1]One of the reasons this "forgiveness as a weapon or tool of oppression" thing works so well is that many people fail to realize that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.  It is perfectly legitimate to say, "I forgive you, but I do not wish to have you in my life any more."

Weekend update and meeting people.

I had a fairly enjoyable weekend.  I decided not to go out Friday or Saturday night, figuring that I would enjoy some quiet time at home, rather than pushing through the crowds at Home Bar.  Besides, I'm really doubting whether going to Home Bar on Saturday nights is really the best use of my time.  I certainly enjoy seeing all the people I know there.  But at the same time, I'm not sure I'm meeting anyone new anymore, which is a bit of a concern.

Speaking of meeting new people, I read some great advice on another blog last week that applies to the topic and I found helpful.  The advice made it clear that it would be best if I (and others) set the goal to meet new people and not make new friends.  In fact, the advice the blogger gave is if you introduce yourself and strike up a conversation and the other person asks why, tell them simply, "I'm trying to meet different people."  The idea -- which makes sense to me -- is that saying you're looking for friends can come off as putting on too much pressure.  Whereas if you present yourself as merely wanting to meet people, it's quite simple.

I like this because meeting people is easy.  A brief conversation over nothing major -- even the weather -- is a finite, achievable goal.  And yeah, while I might want one of those conversations to develop into something more lasting and interesting, it enables me to seek out a mass quantity of contacts without putting too much hope into any one particular conversation.

In other ways, the advice was quite reaffirming, as it offered specific conversation starters that pretty much mirrored things I've already been doing.  The big example they gave was telling someone they like their outfit.  I'll often comment on a piece of jewelry someone is wearing or a visible tattoo.  And it's reaffirming to know that others figure that such simple interactions could conceivably lead to further conversations.

So I guess I just have to keep doing what I'm doing (though maybe pick a different venue or two) and let things happen when they happen.

Aw? You don't think I'm the hottest guy on earth?

Every now and then, I put out a personal ad.  I don't really expect to get any results from them, but I figure nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Today, I put out one such ad, indicating that I was a romantic and sweet guy looking to connect with other guys and see what happens.

I had  guy who is twenty years older than me respond to the ad.  His response basically made it clear that sex was the primary and possibly the only thing on his mind.  Given the age difference and the fact that this particular ad gave no indication I was looking for sex (and I've submitted ads where my primary and sole interest was in finding sex before), I decided that I wasn't interested.  So I sent him a brief message that simply said, "No thanks."

Of course, the email account I use for personal ads includes the following fun little tag-line:

Some say humor is sexy.  If that's the case, then I may be hottest guy you know.

I think it's fun, and it highlights what I think is one of my greatest qualities.

Well, apparently, the guy decided that because I told him I'm not interested -- heaven forbid I have a say in who I pursue a relationship with -- he needed to let me know his opinion on the matter:

I doubt you are the hottest guy I know.  I know some very sexy ones.  Good bye.

LOL!  Good luck, guy.  Hopefully one of those other sexy guys that you know will be willing to give you what you were seeking from me.  Granted, my pettier side wonders...if you know so many sexy guys that are probably hotter than me, why were you seeking me out anyway?

Somehow, I think I'll find a way to survive knowing that this guy doesn't think I'm the hottest guy he knows.  It may be hard, though.

Get Personal With Me: Self Improvement

What one personal change have you made that you're most proud of?  A change of habit?  A change in how you see yourself?  A change in how you deal with stress?  Whatever it is, share.

Ugh....

Also called "legal crack."

I had absolutely no caffeine yesterday.  My brain is making it clear to me this morning that this is an unacceptable course of action and that I will be punished for this and all future infractions.

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good.  My funk from the weekend is mostly over.  I've been spending a lot of time relaxing, resting and watching (stupid) movies.

A bit down

I had an unfortunate experience at Home Bar yesterday evening.  It has me reconsidering how much time I want to spend there in the future, or at least how I spend my time when I'm there.  I'm still mulling things over, as I don't want to make any rash decisions.  Plus I do feel better about the fact that at least one of the owners noticed what happened and seemed way more than sympathetic.

Also, this incident has pretty much connected with other things that have been on my mind, which has me in something of a general funk.  As such, my posting for the next couple of days may be brief and/or sporadic.

Gonna wash that mess right out of my home.

I need to find a few
of these items!

I have decided that this weekend will be cleaning day.  I have once again reached the point that I hate looking around my home and seeing clutter as far as the eye can see.  So rather than keeping telling myself that I'll "get around to it," I've decided that I'll get to work this weekend.  I already spent about an hour decluttering the living room this morning.

Granted, I plan on doing other things this weekend as all.  After all, all cleaning and no fun would make Colorful seem much more grey, even after I get all the cobwebs off of me.  So I will still run out to see friends today, have dinner at Home Bar, and go out for the night.  In fact, even while I'm here, I won't be cleaning every single minute.  I think I would burn out.  Instead, I figure that I'll clean in twenty to sixty minute bursts with plenty of television, reading, or chatting online in between.  Even if I only have three or four bursts each day, I figure that will get a lot accomplished and leave me feeling better about both my home and myself.

Of course, the other thing I want to tackle is giving both bathrooms a good scrubbing. They both need it.  Once I get everything cleaned up, I want to get on a better schedule of keeping things that way, too.  I've done better than I have in the past, but I can still definitely improve, as is obvious.

I hope all my readers have a wonderful and productive day.

Friday Thoughts: Being yourself

Some simple and fantastic advice is "Just be yourself."  I believe being yourself is the best thing you can do for both yourself and the other people in your life.

Unfortunately, being yourself is not easy advice to follow.  It often means first figuring out who you are after growing up in a culture that frequently teaches and pressures you to be who other people expect you to be instead.

Checkup, Part 4

Continuing my codependency checkup (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), I notice that this particular section of my old checklist is relevant to recent events in my life.  The characteristics I'm going to talk about was grouped together as "Dependency."  The first one on the list pretty much describes the common theme running through the rest of them:

• believe other people can't or don't love them

I certainly believe that people can love me.  I believe a lot of people -- friends and good family -- do love me.  I seem to be having a hard time finding a guy who loves me on a romantic level, but that fact no longer invalidates my ability to receive and experience love from all of those other sources.

Plus, I'm now more inclined to look at the men who don't love me and determine that we're simply not a good match or that the fault lies with him rather than automatically assume that it's a sure sign that something horrible is wrong with me.

• desperately seek love and approval
• often seek love from people incapable of loving

I don't do this anymore.  I have reached the point that I know I'm worthy of love and approval.  So if someone is unwilling to open themselves to loving me, I move on.  I'm not going to try to figure out how to make them love me or fit into their notions of who I need to be to get their love and approval.

• believe other people are never there for them

I struggle with this to some degree.  I wouldn't say that I don't think people are never there for me.  But I occasionally do wonder why people don't seem to be there for me in a given situation.  (And in fairness, I'm still working on the fact that I don't always let them know I need them to be there.)

• equate love with pain

I remember how I was like this.  Love was all about sacrifice and suffering.  Now, I tend to think "Screw that!"  Granted, I'm willing to compromise and make things work.  But part of healthy compromise is making sure my needs and interests get met, too.  No more one-way giving.

• try to prove they're good enough to be loved
• don't take time to see if other people are good for them
• worry whether other people love or like them
• don't take time to figure out if they love or like other people
• center their lives around other people

I think this is one of those areas where I deserve an actual medal.  I'm tired of trying to prove myself anymore.  I refuse to do it.  If some guy seems to think I'm not good enough for him, he can keep moving.  I'll find someone who has more sense.

And that second one?  That was a real wake-up call for me.  I'm proud of myself that I was ready to turn down the coffee date guy and a few other guys that I've run into.  At this point, I guess I've done a complete 180:  I'm not interested in proving myself to others, but they sure better be prepared to demonstrate they are worth my time!

And no, no centering my life around others and definitely no losing my life for others.  As far as I'm concerned, people can now find a way to fit into my life.  Well, okay, we can find a way to share our lives, but in a way that demonstrates that he values my individuality, uniqueness, and interests just like I value his.

The rest of the list mostly repeats or looks at these same themes from other issues, so I'm going to skip them.

Get Personal With Me: Celebrations

We all have those things in our lives to celebrate.  We get a promotion or raise at work.  We rock a presentation for a class we're taking.  That special someone finally says, "I love you."  What are some of the ways you celebrate those special moments?  How do you reward yourself after some accomplishment?

Feeling good (about myself)

I'm feeling a lot better after the disappointment of the coffee date.  I spent some time last night just relaxing, watching television, and chatting with guys online.  What really helped is that I took the time to remind myself of what the other guy told me, though I'm not convinced he was sincere about when he said it.

I'm a great guy.

Doing little things, like cracking jokes, laughing at my wit, having a great phone conversation with Southern Helle, telling stories, watching movies, being exuberrantly friendly with a pizza delivery guy while shirtless (hey, at least I put on shorts!) all are things that remind me how wonderful I am and what I have to offer the world, and not just some guy (thougH I have a lot to offer the right guy, too).

So I guess this is a friendly reminder to myself:  When I have a disappointment involving some jackass, I should go back to the basics.  I should pamper myself and remind the world just how awesome I am.

Meh

So the coffee date did not go quite as expected.  Granted, it wasn't a complete disaster, and the guy seems like a half decent fellow.  I'm hoping that means that we'll become friends and hang out at times.  Perhaps I'll meet some new people -- and new potential mates -- through him.  But as for being a potential mate or even a sex partner, it's a no go.  We both came to that same conclusion.  In fact, I was getting ready to send him an email saying as much an hour or so after I got home, only to find he'd already sent me an email saying much the same thing.

I'm not entirely surprised, and in the grand scheme of things, I had my doubts earlier this weekend.  There were just a few things he said and did over the weekend that came across as subtle (and not so subtle) violations of my personal boundaries.  For example, on Friday night, he originally suggested we  meet Saturday morning.  I explained to him that I had been feeling tired and on the verge of compromising my health and wanted to sleep in on Saturday.  He said he understood, but then he kept bringing it up the rest of Friday evening and even on Saturday.  He'd say little things, like, "I wish we I was meeting you tomorrow, but I understand that you can't."  I felt as if he was cajoling  me, trying to get me to change my mind.  Which left me wondering:  if he was willing to do that before we even met, what would he be like if we got involved?  Add to that a few things he said during the coffee date, and I just felt that his expectations for getting involved with him -- especially since he's not looking for a full-blown romantic relationship at this time -- were a bit unreasonable.

Granted, I am a bit disappointed that he sent me an email saying he didn't think we'd work out sexually.  It's probably a little bit petty of me, but I really wanted to be the one to turn him down.  I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I found things that caused me to find the arrangement discomforting.  Yeah, I suppose I could have still said as much to him (as it is, I just agreed that it's best we simply opt for friendship), but I think that would have come off as sour grapes rather than honest criticism.

Plus, I admit, I'm disappointed.  At first, this guy seemed like a real possibility, and as much as I'm glad I found out I was wrong about it this early in the game, the loss of a possibility is still frustrating.  Especially when I'm not sure when the next possibility will put in an appearance.

Weekend Report

As is usual the cases, my fears earlier this week proved unfounded and I got my wit at creativity back.  I actually felt like I was on fire this weekend, to the point of possibly being obnoxious at times.  Between the banter with Sassy Waiter on Saturday and some fun conversations with both people at Home Bar and the staff at another waitress yesterday, I jut felt really good about myself.  And maybe a little full of myself.  (Hey, I need to be full of somebody.)

I was so on fire, this word got tossed around.

I didn't go out to Home Bar on Saturday (late) night or Friday night for that matter.  I decided that as tired and out of sorts as I've been lately, I just needed a weekend of nights home alone.  Or nights one-on-one with another guy, but that didn't pan out.  And while I was still up late both nights, "late" worked out to around midnight rather than the 2am or later, which is normal when I do go out.

As for one-on-one time with a guy, I'm meeting someone for coffee this evening.  He and I have been talking via emails for almost two weeks now.  It's been a pleasant conversation and I'm looking forward to seeing if we click as well in person as we seem to online.

Why Sassy Waiter has his code name

Yesterday evening, I went to Home Bar for dinner.  As it was Saturday night, Sassy Waiter was working.  I love Sassy Waiter.  I love the rest of the staff there, but I don't get quite the same fun as I get with him.  We play-spar a lot.  To give you an example from last night:

Sassy Waiter:  Can I get you anything else?

Colorful:  (To Management.)  Should I use the line I did the other night?

Management:  I don't see why not.

Colorful:  (To Sassy Waiter.)  Yes.  I'd like a good looking top whose idea of a great night involved making a fat balding guy moan in ecstasy.

Sassy Waiter:  (Pause.)  Well, I have a check for you.

Management:  (After a long pause.)  You know, I don't think I've ever seen anyone strike Sassy Waiter speechless before....

Sassy Waiter:  I am not speechless.  I had a perfectly witty retort for that.

Colorful:  Okay.  I'm waiting to hear it.

Sassy Waiter:  Oh, fuck you!

(Everyone laughs.)

A post about Sassy Waiter would be
incomplete without an image of a cat.

Now, in fairness, I don't always come out on top in these exchanges.  Sassy Waiter often gives at least as good as gets.  But you know, it's my blog, so I get to choose the example that casts me in the best possible and even superior light.  To riff on Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the queen!"

But that's what I love about going to Home Bar, well besides just feeling comfortable there and the fact that the kitchen pumps out some of the most delightful food on the planet.  I like the back and forth comments, the raunchy humor, and the fact that everyone fully understands it's all in fun.

Come back, wit!

Earlier this week, I was feeling unwitty and uncreative.  As such, not only did this blog remain silent and untouched, I made almost no Tweets on either of my Twitter accounts and made no Facebook updates (other than linking to articles I found interesting).  Hey, everyone's allowed to quiet every now and then.  Everyone's even allowed to have moments where they're not feeling creative or witty.

The problem is, I hate such moments.  Such moments are psychological and emotional torment on me.  I start to worry about whether I'll ever feel creative or witty again.  I start to wonder if I ever really was creative and witty to begin with.  Was I just kidding myself?  Am I fake, who is uninteresting in reality?  Is my sham finally over and exposed to the world?

I'm sure you can now see why my therapist zeroed in on my self-esteem problems so quickly when I was seeing her.

You see, I put a lot of stock in my creativity and wit.  I think -- and I think it's justifiable -- they are two of my greatest qualities.  I take pride in the fact that I can usually charm people with a quick-witted response or a rant that is so laden with hyperbole and other absurdities that people listening to me start cracking up.

So when I go through dry spells like earlier this week, I get worried.  I fear that I'm losing that part of myself, a part that I trade on regularly when it comes to social interactions.  Fortunately, the humor starts coming back eventually, proving that my fears are all for not.  But that doesn't change how dark and uncertain those times feel in the moment.

Friday Thoughts: Life

Don't spend so much time trying to figure out the meaning of life or what its purpose is that you forget to enjoy or actually live it.

Unrealized Crushes

In my answer to yesterday's edition of "Get Personal With Me," I mentioned that in retrospect, I probably had a crush of Ralph Macchio when I watched The Karate Kid back in the 80's.  I didn't face up to the fact that I was gay until my very early twenties and then took another two years to come to accept that fact.  As such, there have been those few cases where I got thinking back to a casual friendship I had with some guy during my high school years and realized that there were extra feelings there.

The most memorable -- and first -- such incident occurred when I was in my late twenties.  I was on a long drive one day and my mind somehow got wandering down memory lane.  Eventually, the stroll took me to may days in band and I got thinking about the other band members I'd talk to.  I got thinking of a guy -- I'll call him Blue -- who was a trumpet player.  Blue was a year or two behind me and our seats in band practice were close enough that we'd occasionally get chatting.  I got thinking about the laughs we used to have.

Then some part of my mind suddenly decided to offer its thoughts on Blue.  "Man, I had such a crush on him back then."

The moment the thought echoed through the rest of my brain, I was jerked back to the present in a moment of total shock.  I couldn't believe I had just "voiced" that thought.  I had never realized it before that moment.

As I thought about it more, I realized that it actually made sense.  Blue was absolutely adorable with curly hair, a slim build, a fantastic smile, and a wicked sense of humor.  And I could certainly realize how much I had been drawn to him back then.  Had I been in a place in my life where I could have admitted my feelings for him back then....

Well, who knows what would have happened?  It could have been a great first romance (something I might have enjoyed going through back then rather than when I was in my twenties).  Or it could have been a total disaster and caused all kinds of problems for me.  At this point, I will never know.  But since that epiphany during a drive (on a thankfully non-busy highway, given my initial shock), I have gained a greater appreciation for how my mind knew what was going on with me back then and remembers those crushes, even if I wasn't able to acknowledge them at the time.

Get Personal With Me: Movies and Memories

What movies evoke a sense of nostalgia for you?  What makes those movies so memorable for you?  Do they evoke certain memories, either about subject matter of the movie or about the first time you watched it (or anything else)?

Sometimes, I just need time to myself.

I've been quiet the last few days.  I decided I needed a few days off to rest up and just take care of myself.  Between becoming emotionally raw over the whole dust-up with the fast food chain that I will not talk about at this time, being worked up over some bullshit responses I got to a recent personal ad, and dealing with a minor exchange with my parents that would have seemed like nothing to me if it wasn't for those first two items, I just decided it was time to withdraw, treat myself to some pampering and nostalgia (I'll get to that when I give my own answer to today's edition of "Get Personal With Me").

I don't want to be
stuck here, but frequent
visits are nice.

For me, withdrawing and focusing on myself is one of the best ways for me to rejuvenate and heal after trying times.  The withdrawal encourages me to focus on self-care rather than getting involved in other people's lives.  (Seriously, giving into my introverted nature on occasion is also one of the best remedies for my codependent tendencies.)  It's a good way to not only remind myself to take care of me first, it's a good way to force myself to do exactly that.

Of course, there's a certain danger in it too.  When alone, I'm also vulnerable to tendencies to fret, stew, and actually make some thing worse in my own head.  Plus, there are those times I get into a funk and wonder why no one has noticed my withdrawal and come to my side to ask me what's going on.  So I do have to be careful that I seek out balance and make sure the withdrawal does not turn into long-term or permanent isolation.  Plus I need to remind myself that if I really do need someone to talk to, it's best if I just come right out and call a friend I know I can trust and say, "Hey, do you have a minute."

But all the same, the quiet time was greatly needed and has left me feeling quite refreshed.  And hopefully, that will mean that posting will resume as normal.

Well, that was easy.

I haven't heard from Sweet Cynic in about a week now, and I'm quite comfortable with that.  In fact, I may be happy.  Granted, he's gone two to three weeks before contacting me before, so I may be celebrating prematurely.  However, he usually only ignores me when he's seeing someone, and as far as I know (though I'm not going to do anything to really verify it), he's single at the moment.  He broke up with the last boyfriend (I knew about) almost two weeks ago.

It's like this, but with
other people's bullshit.

That's why he texted me last weekend, or at least I assume that's why.  He probably needed someone to vent to about his breakup drama, plus he probably wanted me to take him out to a bar (as he doesn't have a car of his own and decided to move clear out to an isolated location with even shittier public transit than they have in the city).  I just wasn't in the mood for it, so I took one last look at the shiny words "hey hey" on my smartphone and deleted them.  Then because I realized that if I stayed home that night (as I had originally planned) I was going to stew in frustration.  So drove to Home Bar and posted a checking announcing I was there "to get out and have fun before I snap," and went on to have a pleasant day.

I'm sure (Not So) Sweet Cynic saw the check-in, and I'm pretty sure why I haven't heard from him since.  He's probably upset and handling it in his usual passive-aggressive way.  Which is fine with me, as it might get me out of the huge drama that will result from me telling him I simply don't see any value (for me, at least) in continuing our friendship.  But I've also pretty much resolved myself to the choice that the next conversation I have with him will result in exactly that.  No more conflict avoidance on this one.

Granted, I'm starting to think I shouldn't expect any drama, at least not much.  Sweet Cynic doesn't often create scenes, at least not directly toward the person he's upset with.  He's more passive-aggressive than that.  He'll rant behind my back.  Or he'll make snarky comments, comments which I can ignore.  Of course, I can just ignore the drama, too.

The one thing I struggle ignoring, though, is comments against my character or my behavior, at least the ones that I think are unjustified or that act like my choices are in someway unjustified.  I immediately want to stand up for myself and not let things like that go unchallenged.  After all, I got tired of rolling over and taking people's abusive attempts to force a sense of guilt on me for actually trying to look out for myself.

However, I'm starting to learn that sometimes, standing up for yourself actually takes the form of walking away and not replying to the criticisms, attacks, and mischaracterizations.  Sometimes, walking away with an attitude of "I don't have to defend myself from your vitriol because you're just being an ass" is a matter of respecting myself, even if the other person doesn't interpret my actions that way.

But that's one I'm still working on fully internalizing.

I think I'll stick to beef and pork the next few days

I'm a bit burned out on the Chick-Fil-A controversy right now, to the point where I'm not sure I want to see any chicken regardless of where it comes from right now.  To be honest, there's a part of me that's frustrated that August 1 is now two days in the past and the Facebook posts, tweets, and blog posts^[1] seem to be going ahead full steam.

Yep, this is looking
real good right now.

I'm also frustrated by the ignorance displayed by some of the people still talking about controversy.  People are still pushing the meme that this is about free speech and Dan Cathy's right to say he's opposed to marriage equality.  This just demonstrates that they've been listening to the soundbites a lot of people have been spreading around and haven't dug^[2] more deeply into the issue to learn about the kind of organizations Cathy funnels corporate money into or the kinds of things those organizations do to actively hurt a dehumanize LGBT people.  You know, if people choose to still patronize Chick-Fil-A, I find that hurtful.  I'll get over it, though.  The fact that they haven't taken the time to learn why LGBT people are upset and have simply bought into the "freedom of speech" meme that's floating around hurts much worse and is going to take a lot longer to get over.

I think what really hurt the most is when a friend -- a friend who is very much pro-equality, no less -- offered her opinion on the subject on Facebook.  It was clear that she had bought into the "freedom of speech" meme.  That hurt the most.  Strangers who don't bother to figure out why I might be upset with a company is bad enough.  Friends who don't bother to ask me why I'm upset about something and just listen to what they happen to overhear on social media sites...Well, I'm working on forgiving her....

So yeah, I'm just sad and burned out.

Comment Moderation Note:  This is not an invitation to debate the politics or ethics of this boycott or supporting Chick-Fil-A.  Comments that do so will be deleted.  Commenters who attempt to do so more than once shall find themselves in Tartarus (i.e. banned).  Feel free to talk about how this controversy has affected you on a personal level, but try to keep the focus there.  There are plenty of other places you can argue over whether boycotts are effective, whether LGBT people should be boycotting other companies, or even whether a person can still eat at Chick-Fil-A without being "a hater."  If that's what you want to talk about, please go to one of those other places.  I will not be offended.  I will be grateful.  And you won't find yourself in danger of going to Tartarus.

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^[1]Okay, I'm a little more tolerant of the blog posts, as some of them are really good in that they are nuanced and tend to explore the subject in interesting ways rather than simply being brief moments of outrage and indicative that the speaker is pretty much ignorant of the details of the controversy.

^[2]And before anyone asks, I'm not going to explain those things to you.  Nor am I going to provide links.  Quite frankly, there are plenty of LGBT bloggers -- and bloggers who are allies -- who have posted everything I could possibly say on the subject and have done a better job of it than I can.  If you really want to know "what all the fuss is about," Google is your friend.

Get Personal With Me: Closeness

I'm quite excited.  Last month, G(WT)P received 501 pageviews!  That's more than twice the number I received in the month of June.  It seems like I've gotten a pretty nice readership (and Google Analytics tells me I have a pretty good returning readership as well).  I even seem to be picking up a overseas following, which is cool.

As the start of a new month, I want to try something new.  In order to generate more comments and also make The G(WT)P epxerience more of a community experience, I've decided to start a weekly series called "Get Personal With Me." Each Wednesday afternoon, I'll post a question inviting my readers to share something about themselves.

Obviously, other readers are welcome to discuss each other's experiences.  Everything is strictly voluntary.  You're not required to share your own experience (though please refrain from sharing someone else's experience rather than inviting them to share it first-hand themselves), and sharing your own experience is not required to talk about an experience someone else shares.  However, I do strongly encourage everyone to (re-)familiarize themselves with my comment policy before joining in a "Get Personal With Me" discussion.  Also, if you have (or know of) a blog post that is relevant to the discussion, feel free to share a link.  Just please give warning if your link might not be safe for work.

With that said, let's get on to today's episode of "Get Personal With Me."  Today's topic is closeness.

Best buds forever!

What are some of the things that generally cause you to feel especially close to someone else?  Is there an instance where you felt particularly close to someone?  Describe what it was like.

Drinks with an old friend

Last night, I met an old friend for dinner and drinks.  She comes into town once or twice a year, and we usually manage to go out for drinks one night during her trip.  We have the kind of friendship where we can sit down and catch up on what's going on in each other's lives in a two hour span.  We talk about former friends, relationship adventures, her kids, work, and just about everything else.

She went through the whole saga of Hot Pants with me, and is one of a handful of my friends who actually met him.  In fact, he joined us for the first night of what would become our tradition whenever she was in town.  So naturally, we always speak of him briefly during the conversation.  It's a welcome moment in the conversation, as it gives me another chance to laugh about the whole mess and reaffirm my thankfulness that it's in the past.

This time, we ended up getting a table, as there was no room at the bar.  We had an adorable waiter with an unfortunate (for me, at least) name.  Sadly, I was disappointed when he not only didn't respond favorably to my joking lament that "waiter a la mode" was not listed on the menu, but completely missed it.  Alas, he was adorable and proficient as a server, but not quick-witted.  That gave us quite the laugh.

All in all, it made for a pleasant evening, and one I will cherish until my dear friend's next visit.